Should i give up?

hi, i am 21 year old girl living with a relative. I lost my father this year due to a tragic accident back in my hometown. then i had to travel thousand miles to another continent for my studies. i did not want to but everything was planned for over a year. So i had to leave my mom and little sister back there and move to a whole new world all my myself. It was my fathers dream for me to go there and do my studies. He was my biggest supporter . I was a very pampered daughter and since i moved here, my life turned upside down. I dont have any financial support to continue my study here or anyone to talk to. I try my best not to bother my mom because i am scared i will make her worry for me like i always made my father worry. day by day im getting suicidal. i am even scared to kill myself because i am the only hope my mom and sister have left . the relatives i live with , i really love them and i felt like they do to, but the sad part is they are just piting me. i know that is life and i can not change anything about it. there is a baby in the household and i love her a lot but i was told that thats not how you look after a baby. i spend my whole day with her without doing jobs thinking i might get appreciated a little bit here even though i badly need money. my relative tells me i am irresponsible even when i try to do every chore possible whenever i am there and help them in anyway i can. i do not wanna complain but things just keeps getting worst day by day. I really want someone to tell me everything is gonna be over soon and i might get happy , maybe a little bit. But there is this voice inside of me telling me harsh things as, i should just kill myself because that is the only way i can be happy without feeling selfish , the voice tells me how my father died because of worrying too much about me, how i am a dissappoinment , the voice always tells me how everyone around me pities me and shows empathy temporily and then goes away. i feel like i am the reason my family is going through so much , i am the reason my mother is always so worried enough to make herself sick and how my sister looks up to me only to get dissappointed. I used to be a bubbly girl who loved her life, i loved everything and everyone but now its just that i hate myself and i hate how everything fell apart so fast in my life. should i just end it now? or should i keep going until my mind kills me from inside ?