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I love my girlfriend, I'm willing to compromise if it will meet their needs and improve their wellbeing as well as help our relationship grow. But a recurring issue we have is our differing love language. I realised how much words of affirmation means to me, but their love language is acts of service. The thing is, they're not comfortable with me verbally expressing my feelings for them. This had made me feel restricted and silenced in a way... Also with the pandemic we rarely get to see each other and most of our dates has been watching shows together whilst on the phone. It's really taking a toll on me and I've felt really lonely not being able to express how I feel about them and I also don't feel affection from them because I'm looking for words of affirmation since physical touch is also out of the picture with the pandemic... I don't know... I know they love me but I don't feel loved...
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Hi, I don’t think it’s wrong to ask but it won’t really accomplish anything. Each person expresses themselves in different ways, so if you ask them to do it differently (more) then it probably won’t feel genuine. They’ll be faking it or forcing something that isn’t natural to them.
I experienced this from the opposite end, I generally don’t express myself in words (I choose actions), but my ex was a word person. If she didn’t hear ‘I love you’ constantly she felt insecure, even if I was showing her in other ways. I tried forcing the words but that just made it feel less real. Relationship eventually ended because she kept saying I don’t love her, and that gets really upsetting to hear constantly so I left. Anyway that’s just one example of how things can break down if you try to push or guilt someone into saying words that don’t come naturally.
ReplyThank you for your response. I was wondering though, if your love language was words of affirmation and your partner didn't want you to practice it- how would you navigate the relationship? Because this is also part of the issue, I feel like I'm walking on eggshells or I have to silence myself when I want to tell them how much I love them? They literally cringe when I do. Thank you again for your insight
ReplyIt is ok to say what you want from your girlfriend! as you said you don't feel loved! so for you, it's something needed in your life to have a beautiful growing relationship.
All you need to do is to say: Hey I would appreciate if you express your love more to me because for me it's something that I need to hear from you. I know you love me but for me, this is what I need to feel happy and loved.
If your girlfriend loves you, she would definitely make an effort for you, it will not be in one day, but will pay attention and use some affectionate words for you. But you have to stand up and say what you need from her to allow this relationship to grow.
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