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Loosing you made me realize how weak I am, how pathetic I am. I don’t know why you loved me so much, I just can’t move on even after I have tried everything. I search for ways to end my life every day. I realized how empty I am without you. I realized my entire life as it was revolved around you. You were the source of all the energy in me. You were everything to me. I so badly want to text you and reach out to you, but I don’t exist for you. My existence doesn’t hold any meaning to you. Even my existence doesn’t make sense for me. I just miss you all the time, and then I do things to avoid that, but they make me more miserable. I know these letters will never reach you, nor do I want it to. I don’t want to trouble you, when you have erased me from your life, I don’t want to stretch it. I don’t have anyone I can talk to. I have looked up so many ways of dying. I just want another liability arising out of my attempt. I am going to plan it very carefully. I know what my parents will go through, I already picture tears and sadness in their eyes, but its just too unbearable for me. Now I want to act selfish, I just want to avoid the pain. I have done things that I will be ashamed of, I have tried, and lost so many things in the process. I feel miserable. It was my dream to do an MBA, but my everything was you and you. I sometimes think its going to be difficult for you too, but you disconnected from me years back, and you didn’t try to come back. I don’t want you to know anything about me now, and I know you don’t want too either. Me alive or dead, is all the same to you. I can’t even smile in a day without you. I don’t have anyone to talk to. I don’t have friends, I just had you and now there is no one, no you. I just look back and see for any instance where I wouldn’t have loved you from the bottom of my heart, but I don’t see one. Yes, I was low, and you could help me get out of it, but you kept away. You didn’t want that negativity and you didn’t want to help me out of it and the distance between us grew.
I try to have a positive outlook, but I am so deep in depression that I am just not able to. I used to think of cutting myself, cutting my veins, but I don’t know. One day I drew a circle of people who care with me alive or dead. Yes, you were there but in a region to which it didn’t matter. I look back at all the promises and memories and every second, and it feels so bad, that they meant so much that you didn’t even call after your engagement. I just cry, cry and cry – sometimes in the shower, sometimes in the bed, but all the time I just cry. I plan so many ways of killing myself. I want it to look natural, so that people don’t think otherwise, my parents can cope better. I know I made a promise to you that I won’t kill myself, but then you were not mine then, and you had already moved on, and yes, I want to be selfish by breaking this one promise so that at least all the others are true. I have read posts from people who have attempted suicide, who have been in depression. And I know this won’t stop now, this will trouble me all my life. I could have never even thought of these ever, but I can’t just get over with you. I make whatever efforts I can, and now it’s been two months. I don’t attend classes; I just look for ways to run from this world. I just am too helpless and in such a fucked-up situation. I don’t see a way out; it’s been so long. I was too blind to see, that you have stopped loving me long ago and I kept lingering it. You are just too beautiful; I didn’t want to lose you and I loved you truly in every way. I wish you get so much love in your life that you never look back, but I gave more than everything to love you. This doesn’t mean anything now, thinking it will help me release and move on, but I know I will be miserable all my life without you.
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Everything will be fine with time.
ReplyThats the lie we tell ourselves.
ReplyThat's not a lie. You will understand this as the time passed by.
ReplyI have experienced this, and I know there is a part truth in it, but not in the current scenario
ReplyLet's hope for the best
ReplyHey babe. I know your world might seem like it’s crumbling before you, I would know I went through the same thing you are. It’s tough and I won’t pretend that it’s not. Every little thing reminds you of them and that they are gone now. You might cry for weeks or months. I know I did, and it might seem like you will never get over them. Though I can’t promise that they won’t have a tender spot in your heart, but I can promise things do get better. All those reminders will change back to the thing they were before you met them or maybe you’ll be able to look at whatever it is and admire the memory. At some point you’ll be able to think about them and your heart will no longer sink. Now I know it seems like a far fetched idea, but it will become a reality.
I won’t lie though, time is not the only key point to your success. You will have to believe in yourself and realize you do not deserve to feel that pain anymore. You’ll learn that you can and will do better, but babe time won’t do that for you. That is all you.
Now just know that you make this world so much brighter. You make the sun happy to shine everyday. Just you existing is enough to make this world continue to turn. You’re worth so much more than you will ever know. Your parents will be heartbroken at your loss because you are a wonderful human being. Everyone in your life will be missing you when you're gone. Now I know that might not be monumental because depression and the idea of suicide just overtakes all those ideas, but really know you deserve life like everyone else. So please stay <3
ReplyHi Greenbluelife
Thank you so much for replying and supporting with your comments.
I know how deep and true was my love, I know the way I loved and I know how beautiful my girl was, in every damn way
And no matter what we will not be together, we might not even talk ever after,
I just think every second of her, Yes those memories are beautiful, those moments are special.
But the thought that it's the end and such a beautiful relationship has come to an end, just kills me.
I am a guy
ReplyI completely get it. It hurts because your love for them was so passionate. You care about every little thing that happens to them. And it hurts to think they will no longer tell you about they’re day or things they are excited about. You’ll realize that at some point you will have no idea what their life is like anymore. And it hurts so damn bad. I know things do get better though so I always have hope.
I think someday you’ll find a girl that makes you feel the same way but multiplied, and I know you don’t want anyone but her at this time but just know there is someone out there for you. Who will listen to every heartache and annoying problems you have. They will feel the same way you do about her.
Things will get better, but you have to be patient.
I hope everything goes well with you :)
ReplyI appreciate your comments a lot,
Yes with time some parts will heal, others will always miss her.
I know there are plenty of girls there, I might come across one,
But she will not be with me, she is the only person I want to be with all my life. I had a 8 yr long relationship, I just miss her every second of my life.
All my days and nights all are just nights with me buried in bed trying to sleep to avoid pain.
Everything might happen but she won't happen again.
It's she who I miss not the lack of having a girl. It's always going to be her.
ReplyI know. She will forever have a place holder in your heart. And I know it's not you missing girls, its only you missing her, but I just wanted to make sure you know you will matter to someone like she mattered to you. Whether it's with or without her. I'm so sorry you guys broke up, but know this might be the end of the relationship but it shouldn't be the end of you. Things will get better babe even if she's not by your side. <3
ReplyI wish I could get the strength to endure this, but I don't.
ReplyDo u want to connect ?
ReplyIf you need someone to talk to I'll be willing to listen. Just know you're not alone.
ReplyIs there an option to have a dedicated chat on this platform ?
Replyor are you comfortable taking it out of here ?
ReplySadly I do not think there is an option to have private chats on this platform, but I’m okay messaging you on discord or Instagram if you want.
Replyig - @truelove_4evr
ReplyI wrote an article today, want to give it a read ?
ReplyMy unsent letter to my love
ReplyOkay sure. Do you want me to message you on there?
ReplyYes, you can we can connect there.
Reply