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My unsent letter to my love
1 month ago · · True love,
I have decided that I will write to you every day, I will write to you knowing that you will never have access to these, but it will still make me feel that I am connected to you.
Days without you are so difficult, I come across so many memories of yours in my thoughts, right from the time when I cam to know you, to the time when I first met you as your love, to all those times when we were in each other’s arms, or just next to each other, all the moments we spent, all the texts we exchanged, all the promises we made and the dreams we saw together. And then when things started wrapping up, and you were next to me physically, sleeping right there, and I couldn’t kiss on your cheeks, and I cried all night just looking at you, how beautiful you are. To the times when we would go to a temple and a gurudwara, holding hands, kneeling before God together, and it felt so wonderful. We were always grateful for one another, but with times things changed, the love you had dwindled, I know I was responsible in many ways, but I loved you irrespective of everything, deeper every day, and now after 8 years of being with you, being no more with you is like a torture every day. You helped me come out of my first breakup, and we were so deep in love, that we never felt anything could separate us, it just felt that we are already married for life. We were so close, yet we don’t talk anymore. I love you 100 times more than what I did 8 years ago, but now you are in a different world, and I don’t exist in your world, whereas you were my world, and I don’t see a reason to exist in mine coz everything in it was you. The way we used to just hold each other, be so interconnected at such a deep level, none of it exist anymore. I know you were done with me, we broke up, yet you were and will be everything to me, forever. I see your face, I listen to your laughter, I look at your eyes, I hold your hands, I kiss you and be right there next to you in my thoughts, yet when I wake up, there’s nothing there. I sleep almost 17-18 hours coz I don’t like the reality; it feels like I am dead in this reality. I just miss you, I loved you so much, and so did you, yet it is what it is now. I don’t know why but why fate/ destiny favors true love. I often ask myself that did I not love her truly, deeply enough to lose her, and I don’t see anything their coz you were everything to me, all the time it was just you and I just wanted you. I love you; I think about so many things now, sometimes I see a miserable future for me, most of the times I just see an end. Everyday is just a question of whether it will be today or will today pass and it will be tomorrow. I know you are aware of my feelings, but you lost yours and now you are in a different phase of life.
I just don’t know how to deal with your engagement, I don’t see a reason for me to live longer. I thought things will be fine, your happiness will give immense happiness to me, and we will continue talking like friends, but yes. But you stopped even being friends with me, before this happened. I kept on having hope, because I believed in our love, but you stopped loving long ago. And now the promises are nothing, you have already got rid of my memories, you don’t have a single photo of us with you, and to me, that’s all that I look at every day. I wish you happiness, my love.
I don’t know if I will ever come out of this depression that I am in, I know it keeps getting deeper and deeper. I don’t know if I will live, but I just want you to get all the love, success, and happiness. I love you, meaningless words.
Your ex (but he is already dead to you)