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I need help because I think I may have anxiety. I'm 22, male, and I'm at my first job and I'm always nervous. I always feel like I'm soon going to get fired or cause too much damage or I may not be enough. Also, I always feel uncomfortable around new people like I always have to be at my best behavior or else they will judge me. At the end of the day I cry because I'm tired and I never get to do things that I enjoy.
I can't tell how I feel to my family. I just mentally can't. Whenever I go to them to tell how I'm feeling I just suddenly back out. When they ask me how I'm doing I always say 'fine' (unless I'm physically sick). I think it's because one time when I was a child, I was physically beaten for crying at school. My parents had the archaic thinking of gendered norms where men should be brave and strong or something like that. I'm not really that close with my family. They somehow conditioned me to not show weakness to them or else they'll try to correct me harshly.
I want to tell this to my college friends but it's been a while since I last saw them because of this pandemic. Chats aren't effective apparently. I tried talking to two people I know and I get the feeling they want to end the talk already by saying 'good luck' or 'see you soon'. We did talk for a few minutes but was mostly small talk.
I need help getting my problems sorted. I need someone to listen to my thoughts. Maybe I can try again with my friends. Thing is, I have this thought that they may not care about me anymore. I hope not.
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I know, right? Emotional agility had not been taught years ago so I guess it's fine to have some sort of space between you and your parents. I hope you find somebody to listen carefully, do you consider a life-long partner, maybe? This relation works on me so I hope it will work for you too. Or do you like to do journaling?
ReplyI have been keeping notes on how I feel whenever I feel uneasy or anxious. I write down the situation and my reactions and my thoughts. It helps and makes it easy for me to see a pattern. As for a partner, I don't know if that's what I need. I think I just need a friend to talk to. I've never had a girlfriend and I'm scared of the 'requirements' I may not be able to do.
ReplyThinking is a wonderful and necessary talent that can and needs to be managed. Thoughts, all of them including the ones you have about inadequacies and insecurity, come and go. Their arrival does not make them legit or your creations or automatically meaningful. You do that with your attention, initially, and when you add a story, some deep meaning, and an emotional reaction, that thought is super charged with the energy you provided.
Have you not noticed that some thoughts leave almost as fast as they arrive because you offered nothing - no opinion, no interpretation, no reaction.
You are the gate keeper who decides which thoughts get the energy they need to persist. There is a way to do this but it takes some effort. I'll point to the way to get this done but you have to do the work. Its a very small to pay (time and determination) to end this misery you are feeling.
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