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i just caant take it anymore... feels like it is suffocating....no money...np love...no health...no supportive family and friends...why am i even living???// sometimes i question myself what is the point of living my life
i got to know that my family is toxic and very strict and controlling after all these years... never been able to hang out with my friends in my teenage...mom was never friendly with me...dad often favored my brothers over me in terms of everything however mom was never in denial of it.... well...what to say??
my uncle once molested me and I told my mom while my cousin was also aware of it...however...it never affected her...she often callls him at home and once he made me buy a t shirt for him during holidays...even often during dinners he takes his name as if nothing ever happenned...oh well people are different and we have to ACCEPT that.
my cousin has been raping me since many years in my teenage life and somehow i was able to escape that...well, mybrothers know that we r not in good equation but still my elder brother is like Bff with him...but he is havin tough relations with his wife and inlaws but i have stopped contacing them only for his sake...but it was never appreciaed...
another paternal brothers are associated with bad ppl and often took the step to kill my dad and harm us. but still dad supports them emotionally and financially...but he was not supportive of me when i took this masters course and discouraged me in everyway not to persue it. well life, never fair right?
in 201.., i once attempted to take away my life cuz they forced me so much to compell their orders and everything and also my bf wasnt supportive of me. and just after few days, he raised his hands on me, chocked me and beated me on my BIRTHDY. it is still such a trauma to me that i cant still celebrate my birthday till today. ..not everyone knows about it but some of my friends do.. i tried to forgive him but he never apoligized for his behaviour rather he said he did so many gross things with ppl i can never imagine. All these years he was playing with my emoyhins and promised to see me but he came and didnt see me. recenty i realised that he has a stable life with gf and all and all these while he was manipulating me...
well its not the end here rigt....i wanted to leae my native country but my patents are titally against of it..since my childhood and i literally mean it...but they got a good proposal who is a US citizen and now they are willing to send their child...HAHAHA...such a manipualtion all these years isnt it???
all i want is peace of mind and to cut off myself frmm all of the family and toxic relationship..ive liver, kidney and other diseases too which doesnt help me function peoperly...i cannot take my life cuz i know its too pinful but i want pece of mind away from all the drams and evil people and away from all the chaos.
Chao !
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FIGHT IT
If I were there where u r right now, there's be one thing to say... FIGHT IT Whether it's suicide, depression, cutting, burning, self harm, stress, though...
Try doing Masters or MS in a college abroad. That way you can escape the horrors you go through right now.
I hope everything works out.
God bless. Good luck.
ヘ(^_^)ヘ
ReplyWow one thing is clear, your family is 100% responsible for ALL your suffering. You gotta get away from them somehow. Unfortunately no one can help because it sounds like you’re in a country/culture that allows & encourages abuse like that. Maybe you can accept the offer to go to USA but once you’re there, dump the creep loser who bought you and go straight to the authorities to apply for asylum. No guarantees, the USA’s political system is screwed up and asylum seekers are often kicked out (thanks trump) but at least you would have a fighting chance.
ReplyI’m so sorry, I wish that I could shield you from all the awful things that have happened to you. One thing that I have to say is that you are strong and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Fuck those people who needs family anyways, they are just there to flaunt what they have . I’m so sorry you have to go through this. I love you ( not in a creepy way )
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