Pregnancy and a broken heart

12 weeks till my baby is due. I should be happy but I’m not. Don’t get me wrong I love the fact I’m finally becoming a mom but I fell in love with the wrong person and now I’m pregnant with his child. I was having a shitty time for a long time and he was the only one I felt I could trust he was going through shit and I was there for him both of us fucked up in different ways I moved away and came back I didn’t speak too him in a few months when I came back everything started up again we started sleeping together but he opened up a lot more then normal he cried and told me things about his past and what’s going on I was supportive as best as I could I eventually got my first apartment in the same month as coming home and a job everything was fine I didn’t and still don’t have much family about but I’m managing after speaking and seeing him for a few months again with him and me it was on and off for a few years and having him message and ring me quite a bit making me feel special and happy I ended up telling him I started getting feelings for him not the fact I had already fallen in love with him this resulted in him sending me ❤️❤️❤️🙈🙈🙈 thoughs emojis and having a few hour video call and him telling me too skip work too come see him whilst he’s working I didn’t do that but part of me wishes I did everything was going fine until February after he moved into his new apartment and we were still talking I ended up sleeping at his one night in February and that was the night I got pregnant even though I was on protection it didn’t work I found out a few weeks later when I tried too ask him too meet up he was saying he’s got work early in the morning and he can’t I begged him I never asked him too come round it was always him asking me then he started ignoring me I tried calling him he let his phone ring out over and over so I ended up messaging him and sending him pictures of the test a few weeks later I finally got a reply saying he’s sorry and he’ll be there that was another lie in the whole amount of lies he’s told I met up with him the next day and he admitted too me and his friend that he loved me stupid me for actually believing it when we hugged he wouldn’t let go that night I ended up staying at his we were talking about the baby and he asked me when the first scan was I felt like a little family like I finally have something that only lasted a week I needed him a week later as I tried too kill myself and he messaged me the next day screaming at me and making me feel even more shit I ended up in a facility too help mental health no one came too visit me I was so alone one person came too the scans with me and that was his best friend we got really close and she’s helped me so much with this pregnancy and I couldn’t be more grateful. I live in a small town and as soon as one person here’s things everyone knows your business for months now all I get told is how many girls he slept with whilst sleeping with me and two apparently he got pregnant he’s being bouncing in and out of my life flirts with me in the streets and making me feel worthless hides the fact he’s got me pregnant and denies his son my heart has broken I understand that the baby isn’t here yet but don’t make promise you can’t keep he hurts people who cares about him and he might of given me the best present anyone could ask for but on the other hand he’s destroyed my life and destroyed me and my son means more too me then him and I’ll do anything too protect him because my sons dad is on drugs and has chosen drugs and sleeping with whatever he can over his own child unfortunately I still love him and I always will as I’ve tried too hate him from the lies and everything he’s put the through throughout this pregnancy and him listening too lies about my sons dad is out of 3 men that is not true at all for a long time he was the best thing which happened too me and I’ll always remember the good times he was the only person who made me feel like I was worth something and made me feel beautiful and not have too pretend to be someone I’m not now I have a massive hole in my heart he was there when I was homeless. He is going through a lot but it don’t condone the way he’s treated me I wish I wasn’t going through the shit I’m going through and wish I had my mom for guidance but my mom don’t care about me I don’t have many I feel so alone