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My ex and I broke up about a year ago due to COVID- we weren’t able to see each other and didn’t have much to talk about everyday so we both mutually agreed that it would be better if we just called it off. Now we are both in a high school production together and things have been incredibly awkward. He doesn’t even look at me, doesn’t speak to me, and just generally doesn’t seem to care when I’m in the room. He’s a good guy don’t get me wrong but it’s making me feel guilty for some reason. He has a new girlfriend who is also in the show and they’re very cute together, but he seems so much more comfortable around her than he ever did with me and I feel like that’s my fault. I feel like I should’ve fought harder to stay together and tried more when it came to seeing him. I don’t have feelings for him anymore at all but there’s some part of me that wishes that I could just go back and try everything over again without screwing up this time.
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First you may be exaggerating the comfort he feels around her in comparison to yours, naturally so since you are his ex and are overthinking anyway. Second, even if he is in fact more comfortable to some degree that really doesn’t have to mean you have faults… they are just more compatible. Your ex isn’t a replica of all men, and you will find someone more compatible with you than your ex was and that won’t mean your ex is objectively worse at being a boyfriend. He has a girlfriend and in many relationships it is outside their boundaries to interact with their exes, even just casual convo or friends, so it is likely that it is out of respect for his current relationship so there is no need to take it personal like that. Maybe it was like that for you two and maybe it wasn’t, every relationship is different, eg you could’ve been obviously okay with it. You guys mutually broke up, couldn’t hold conversations with each other, you just weren’t as compatible as maybe you believed and so going back wouldn’t really make a difference. The fact is you weren’t meant to be with him, and that isn’t something to dwell on. Maybe you have an issue with confidence and being alone and you are projecting that on your ex? Either way, try not to overthink and have these irrational negative thoughts. I know being depressed is not easy, especially when it comes to breakups, but I wish you the absolute best. You are worth so much more than these thoughts!
ReplyConsidering that you all have to work together, I would suggest trying to ease the tension. Talk to them, unless his current girlfriend already knows that you two had dated, I would approach him first. If he is avoiding you a text could work too. Just say that you really want to enjoy your time with this production and you're sure he does too and you just want to be friendly and comfortable around him and his girlfriend. If you broke up amicably there is no reason to not be able to establish a friendly work environment or even being actual friends at some point. You would be surprised at what non confrontational, honest communication can do.
I had a similar situation but a bit more hostile. I liked this guy and we would hang out with a group of people. His ex began to hang out too and she wanted him back and was being very bitchy toward me. It made for a very awkward time, not just for the three of us but also for all the other people who were around. So I got her number from a very reluctant mutual friend who thought I was going to start something. I called her and basically my first words were along the line of "This is ____, don't hang up." and I talked to her calmly. I said, "look, we both like him and it's not up to you or me who he chooses, I like hanging out with everyone but it has gotten uncomfortable for me, you and just about everyone else too." we talked about things and decided that we would stop all the bullshit and just be friendly regardless of who he chose to be with. She became my best friend ...he was a little nervous about that but we could all hang out without any issues after that.
Also guys get really, really weird when it comes to interacting with multiple girls they are or had dated at the same time. When I first started dating my husband we were not serious yet and while we were playing pool his ex girlfriend shows up, he got a little antsy. Then this other girl he had sort of a thing with showed up and it was down right comical the way he was jumping around try to stay away from all of us, presumably to not upset any of the others. We all noticed and started messing with him, lol, I would touch his arm and he would jump away, one of the other girls bumped into him on purpose and he would jump away, then the other tried to whisper in his ear and he would jump away from her too. You would think someone put firecrackers in his shoes. I wasn't friends with these girls, it was my first time meeting either of them, but we were all laughing hysterically.
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