What are you looking for?
Featured Topics
Select a topic to start reading.
If you are in crisis and need immediate help, please call 1-800-273-8255 (NSPL) or text HOME to 741741 (Crisis Text Line). More resources.
In general, When you hear about a single parent, you usually think about how hard it must have been for the parent to raise a kid on her own (Of course I am talking about me and my mother) but there are hardly few people who think about the kid and his traumatic experience. And when there is constant criticism around around then life gets even tougher.
I am 24, short in height (5'2"), fat (about 80 kg) and Body mass index above 32 which makes I am obese. Struggling through depression and anxiety because of covid and lock-down, low self esteem and low self confidence, social anxiety. I have master's degree in Electrical engineering. I was unemployed for more than 10 months and finally found a job. But I was not able to perform due to my lack of experience in that field and I was fired. I have serious existential crisis going on in life. My girlfriend broke up with me about a year and half ago but still kept on texting me until few months back when I was able to put a full stop to her messages or got the courage to do so. Right now I am trying to figure out a way to lead a meaningful life. Or to lead a better life. But I am unable to. I am unable to plan ahead of future or even have a clear path.
I am going through a lot here but my mother thinks I am wasting money and enjoying my life. The first question is, even if I am enjoying my life, is it wrong to do so? My mother is back in India and living alone and even I am in a foreign land living alone. She does not know that I am going through depression and anxiety. She herself has connected me with a therapist and had me take a few therapy sessions. I am trying to find a way out into the real world and make a career and future. But all I get is demotivated and commented for being lazy. I agree that I am lazy but I am trying to overcome it and she pointing out that I am lazy is only making me get lazier. Having a spectacular score in GRE and TOEFL, she forced me to got to a university which was in the verge of shutting down. The program was below average and the location was shitty with no access to companies. I never share anything negative or take my frustration on her.
IS IT WRONG TO TAKE OUT MY FRUSTRATION MY MOTHER WHEN SHE DOES THE SAME TO ME?
She does not understand the difficulty I am facing. Let it be personal, professional or mental or physical. When I get angry and raise my voice on something, I get tormented by her. Her argument includes few constant points like, "you always act like your father", "he left me and you are showing the same attitude", " you are stupid and cannot take decision", "I have wasted so much money on you, instead on spending it on you I could have lived my life luxuriously", "you have done nothing useful even having a master's degree", "you cannot lead a life", "you are not capable of anything", to name a few.
Here is the thing, I do not care about any person in my life who comments or hits me back with a condescending comment. All I do is ignore but when it comes from my mother, it hits me hard. She has never motivated me. NEVER. I understand that she cannot do it because she hardly understands me. I listen to her frustration, get scolded by her for no apparent reason, take blame on me and go on. But who is there for me? She has never thought of that. I do not have any cousins or relatives who care or ask about me or what is going on with me. I literally have no family to talk to. The only family I talk to is my mother. And coming to my friends, when I open up with anyone, I get ghosted and eventually cut off from their life. In simple, I lose a friend because it is my problem and they don't give a damn and I am not grateful for my mother doing things for me. So does that mean I sulk up all my feelings, emotions and pains, put a smile and move on? I have spoken to about 5 therapists already and none of them have been able to help me. The most recent therapist I spoke to was not helpful also. He has about 30+ years of experience being a therapist and I had one long conversation with him and after that he never contacted me. Is this life?
Sometimes I feel going to Netherlands or Switzerland so that I can opt for assisted suicide!
If you see a comment that is unsupportive or unfriendly, please report it using the flag button.
More Posts
-
PLEASE HELP ME
Just tell me how to move on...we have no contact...still i think about him everyday every minute...i so regret not accepting him ...plsss help me move on...i do...
-
Scratching that Itch
The worst feeling in the world is a spot that itches so bad but you can’t scratch it. See for most people, it’s usually because they can’t reach it or met...