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So me and my sister just had an argument. This morning she just caught me talking to a boy, and I didn't want to tell her his name bcs Ik how she is, and he doesn't want his name revealed. With that said, my sister still kept asking and saying that I am keeping secrets from her bcs he's not just a friend. Whether he is or not, it's my secret to tell. She can't just force me to say things to her just bcs she's my sister. She then ended with "u r keeping secrets from me and that hurts my feelings." How abt my feelings? Should I tell her things just bcs she feels hurt and disregard my own? I don't feel comfortable telling her stuffs bcs she uses it against me. Like she threatened to tell dad that I'm talking to a boy if I don't tell her his name. And she calls me "manipulative" and a "victim player," really? Is it just me or is she describing herself? She then claims that she just wants to know bcs she wants to protect me if we ever ef up, and that she just wants to be close to us bcs we r the closest sibling she'll get. We are half-sisters btw, but that is not even relevant to this discussion. She just said that we use her and we don't treat her like our real siblings, and based on what? The secret that I literally don't tell to all of my siblings, including my full-blooded? Please tell me if I'm being manipulative in any way or wrong in any way. I would apologize immediately to her if I am wrong, but for now I think I have the right to keep things to myself.
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I will say that your feelings are your own. Though I do have one question: why doesn't this boy want his name revealed to anyone in your family? Honestly, that is more concerning than the argument you had with your sister, because this boy could be bad news for you. We live in a world where not everyone is honest about what they do, or even who they say they are. I'm assuming you're a teenager so you're probably too young to remember this, but there were real-life instances where teenage girls talk to dishonest grown men pretending to be teenage boys on online platforms (like MySpace and others), decide to meet in real life, and then the girl gets assaulted and/or killed. Unfortunately, similar instances still occur today. I'm not saying you should not be allowed to keep secrets, but there are some secrets that should not be kept, and I believe this boy you're talking to could be one of them. Please heed my advice and tell your family about him.
ReplyOh it's unspoken. I didn't want him revealing my name to his friends and and family so I'm doing the same for him.
Replyyou are not being manipulative in any way! it sounds like your sister really wants a close relationship with you, where you both tell each other everything. Which is actually very sweet! However, you are under no obligation to tell her everything, you are allowed to keep things for yourself. You are allowed to have boundaries of what you want to tell her and what you do not want to tell her, and she needs to respect that.
It sounds like she feels like she doesn't feel like you value your relationship with her. Ask her why she feels this way!
ReplyHi, everyone. I have already told her that me keeping a secret has nothing to do with my relationship with her, that it's normal even between siblings... but she kept calling me things like user, manipulator and such. I tried to be understanding and I tried to explain her my side, but she thinks I'm a bad person that is here to hurt her. I don't know what to do anymore... I feel like I'm being controlled, I can't even react the way I want to. When I express my feelings, she says I'm trying to cry my way out, that I'm trying to get pity. When I don't show my emotions, she tells me that I don't care about the situation. What should I do then? She then calls me fake for not showing my real emotions like how if she's acting that way? I think I'm done trying to prove myself to her. If she truly thinks that I am that kind of person, then I can't do anything about it. She can see me that way and I'll just stop caring like she assumed of me. I love her but I'm losing myself in the process.
ReplyIt is your right to withhold this private info from your sister but I understand your sisters frustration even though it may be irrational. Try to find a way to comfort her by letting her know that you also want to be as close as possible and that you see her as a full sister and this situation is unrelated to that. She seems to have a general problem with insecurity regarding your relationship and it is showing with this situation. Good luck.
ReplyAlso as the person said before ask why why she feels this way exactly so you can settle some of her thoughts. Communication is key!
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