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There's something horribly wrong with the education system here. Why do I have three assessments in two days? Why am I here crying every night of this week because of the stress? Why am i in my bathroom with the razors glaring at me and the water beckoning? I could just walk away...could I? I don't know. Too many people. Too many expectations. Too many ideas about who I am. Oh look at her she's amazing at everything. NO IM NOT. I'm not at all perfect. I just say yes to everything with that stupid smile and I put myself through too much and I can never say no. Why am I here writing this when I have 700words still left of the essay, that essay trying to claw words of no meaning or consequence out of my mind. Why do my parents keep coming in the door to check on me every ten minutes and just look disappointed when they see I'm still going. It never stops does it. And she I ask for help? When I go to the principal asking please, I can't do this in time I have too much on. 35hours of play rehearsals as a main character in two weeks. Two other assessments this week. What are they assessing me on anyway? My ability to do assessments. And they say no. I'm sorry but you signed up for this. Yes. Okay? I signed up for what I thought would be manageable, BEFORE your bloody assessment calendar was put out. BEFORE they added an extra 20 hours of rehearsals. BEFORE I had to quit the things I actually love just to get by and find the time. I feel like I've just let so many people down. I suppose after tomorrow it'll all be over. I wish I had the courage to just end it all. But there's that stupid one percent of me that says it'll be better tomorrow. And then tomorrow comes and it never is and stress never leaves me and I'm awake at 4am not even because I have things to do but because I'm just worried, anxious, thinking too much. Compare August Strindberg's play to a painting of your own choice. Why? And why are you worth 40% of my mark? I'm smart enough aren't I? And tomorrow you'll sit down with my father, never my mother, always just father and you'll say what? Needs to put more time into MY subject. I don't have time. its slipping away from me all the time and yet always on my back. And I can't bother anyone else about this because I know I'm not special, I know there are other like me...or at least I have to believe that to get by. I'm not alone, right? Oh shut up Amy just get this essay written and then maybe sleep will grace you tonight.
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