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it’s been a while since i’ve felt such ache in my chest
since i thought of your laugh before things got bad
since i thought of the way you smelled or the way you smiled
it has been too long since i have thought of your choice. her over me. her over me. a monster over your child. i’m a liar, and it eats at my bones. they chip and decay and i taste them in the early hours of the morning or whenever i am in church
a small confession: you are still the person i want to share my new experiences with
i want to tell you about my first kiss, my first love, i wanted you there when i went to a dance and i wanted you there when i was sick, or when i found my new favorite book, or on school picture day when i had no one to braid my hair
small confession: i miss you. i miss the way you loved me. i miss the way you didn’t love me. i miss the way you sang with me in the car. they are all the same
i miss my mom
small confession: i would endure her abuse if it meant you would love me again
small confession: i would endure everything if it meant you would love me again
small confession: he finally makes me feel okay
small confession: i didn’t leave you. you left me.
small confession: if you asked, i would forgive you.
i would forgive you
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