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I feel like I’m ungrateful undeserving people care about me my home is beautiful I have children and a husband I felt joy and yet I can’t find it now I have a life that so many people would be envious of and I’m not satisfied and it’s sad and I wish I could be in I know I should be I don’t know what would make me feel any other way. I think about suicide daily truthfully all day long. My husband wants to help it but I can’t explain to him how I feel I know he would never understand. I try to talk to friends but the truth is I don’t wanna burden them and I don’t wanna sound self-centered so I fake a smile or avoid them all together.
I wanna run away and disappear and never hear my name again never feel the touch of someone that cares because if they’re that close I know I’ll hurt them mentally emotionally eschar people and for some reason they still hold on to me and I hate it I hate myself for it and I try to stop it but there’s nothing I can do to stop the way my mind thinks. There’s no distraction great enough to make me feel anything but what’s going on inside of me my children aren’t children anymore they don’t need me my husband could find someone much better than me because he’s an amazing man and deserve so much better if I disappear or die I feel like everyone else would be sad for a little while. But then they would move on and they would feel happiness and they wouldn’t half to see what I am whatever that is
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Hi, I'm so sorry that you are going through this. First of all, don't call yourself ungrateful. We are human. It's okay to feel this way. You are just looking for something else. And that's okay. I feel like this happens to a lot of people. Maybe you want your life to be more spontaneous and adventurous. You want to experience more, feel more. You feel like your life is dull. That's why you feel ungrateful. Everyone has different needs and wants. Just because you want a different lifestyle doesn't mean you're ungrateful. My advice is can you take time for yourself? Maybe go on a vacation. Find a new hobby for yourself. Start your own small business. I don't know if this helped but please if you feel like nothing is working, maybe try getting help from a therapist. Because thinking about suicide isn't something to ignore. I hope everything goes well for you:)
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