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I feel like I have hit rock bottom.
Have I really?
Probably not but it feels like it.
Getting up recently is exhausting. The irony behind that is a bit strange though. Even after sleeping for 7 hours, I’m still tired. So why?
Life is stagnant at the moment.
I’m not going anywhere; I’m not doing anything, and I don’t feel like I’m progressing.
This is my 6th lockdown, and every lockdown has produced a different version of myself. I was the cook, the exercise junkie, the cook again and now I’ve come to rock bottom after a few more.
This lockdown I can’t shake the feeling of being lost. Of being empty.
I can’t fill the days with anything because nothing excites me anymore.
I have Uni two days a week. But with my final semester of my whole degree online. I feel like I’ve wasted my time. I’m 21. I should be on campus, going out and getting pissed 4 nights a week, waking up with a hangover and doing it all again.
But I’m here in bed, feeling empty.
For the last month and a bit I’ve been trying to get a marketing grad role. Something I’ve wanted for a few years now. After 4 interviews and a few chats, I got asked to provide my references to which I was informed they didn’t do this unless they were serious about employing me. I was told ‘congratulations’.
But it’s stupid to hold hope in an environment like this these days.
I got a call telling me there were budget cuts, and changes had to be made. So, with 5 graduates being cut I was one.
And that feeling of emptiness, finally hit rock bottom.
My mum always told me things happen for a reason. And someone else told me that sometimes the things that happen suck. But no matter how hard I think, I can’t find a reason.
So here I am, still empty and at rock bottom.
They say rock bottom can be a happy place, because you only have upwards to climb from here.
But with the way to climb or move and nowhere to look I feel like I’m stuck. And it’s right at rock bottom.
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You seem very dependent on things that are not you, that are outside of you. This reliance will let you down almost always. You have more time on your hands than you want. This is an opportunity for you to look inside and try to understand your true nature better. A clearer assessment will be very helpful. It a growth process than is endless and meaningful.
You have the time. Why not?
Check out Aaron Abke Mind Science on youtube. He has dozens of 15 minute videos about how to do this. Pick the one that seems the most interesting. If it resonates with you. Look at all of them - give it 15 minutes a day.
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