Letter to my ex best friend of 8 years

We haven’t talked since May. It used to be that we couldn’t go a few days without seeing each other, let alone without talking. And now, suddenly and unexpectedly you’re out of my life. And I wish I could say I was fine with that. I wish I could remember it was for the best because you fucking destroyed me. I guess we were good at that, bringing out the worst in each other. But every time you come into my mind I feel like I could throw up. 8 years our lives life we spent together. 8 years of joy, adventure, manipulation, codependency, and shit. I want to let you go, but I miss you so fucking much. You lured me in. You tried to set me against my family, my other friends. You told me you wanted to get married, to have kids with me and live on a farm. You made me feel like the most special person on earth. You were my best friend, my ride or die. And then you gave it up without a word. Thank you for doing that. Because even though it kills me, and even though you occupy so much of my mind, it was not you that saved me, it was you leaving. And it was the kindest thing you have ever done for me.