I'm Tired

I'm just so very tired of everything. I feel like I mess everything up and no matter how hard I try, I'm just a horrible person. I don't know if having a boyfriend with depression when I also have depression (and anxiety) is good for either one of us? I love him but It seems like we get into arguments that the other one doesn't seem to understand why they're upset. I try to be understanding and make the changes he wants but sometimes my concerns or thoughts seem to be heard but no change happens...I'm not saying I don't mess up because I do and I realize that and then I apologize. I just want to stop being sometimes and now is one of those times.

I feel like I have nothing to offer anyone. I'm overweight, not pretty, not funny, financially unstable and not really great at anything. And I don't really have anyone to talk to about my issues because it seems like when I try the subject changes to them and I'm just not important.

And trying to find a therapist is a real pain right now because everyone is going to one since COVID happened and the one I liked a lot, moved away. I don't have the energy to go through past trauma and sob to strangers all over again, in the attempts to find a therapist I do like.

No place feels like home and I feel like a foreigner everywhere I go. I'm bad at making friends because I don't trust anyone. When you can't even trust your family, how am I going to trust others? I'm overly independent and others take advantage because I'm too nice to say no when they need help and it's just a lot on me mentally.

I just want to disappear.