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I don't have any will to live anymore. My family's a mess. They're toxic. There's no more room to force myself to love them either. I don't see any future and hope for me either. Life isn't as great as it is for everyone. To the stream I had an interaction with last night on study stream, thank you for bringing joy to me for the last time. Today's the day everything got worse. I just want to end myself. Escape. Resting peacefully for a long time is better than this gray, chaotic life anyway. I have never felt genuinely happy all my life. It's all gray.
I'm not grateful for being born in this world. There's no more purpose. My mother made a bad choice for keeping her cancer a secret for a year. Things got so worse she even got infected by Covid rn. We're out of money. There's no way left to go. If only she had informed us earlier.
Bad things happen. And it always happen to me. As a kid, I never got to spend time with my biological dad because he worked abroad. When he came home, a few years later, they divorced. They always fought. I always got scared. It was so traumatic.
I have a boyfriend, but he's over obsessed with me. It was ok at first but he's a different person now. I want to at least have peace and break up for some time but I know he'll send over a million messages, try to get the password of my account and everything else that will take my privacy and alone time away.
My whole life is just gray if described. My teenage years were spent studying everyday, due to the pressure given to me.
I hope I could just escape and flee the country, but I am a minor, I do not have any financial support and with the situation the country is in, It's impossible.
So I decided to end myself today. My happiness is peace, and this world is chaotic.
Goodbye.
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