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As I become older I have to wonder why I’m still here. There are people in my life, friends and family, who one day are just suddenly gone from the face of the earth. Without warning or last words or even a simple goodbye. What keeps some of us on this earth for so long? Lots of good people, young and old pass silently from me. Again I have to ask why am I still here. I’m not sure I believe in god enough to say, he has a purpose for me. Will I just drop off tomorrow or will it be next week. Do I dare plan 5 or 10 years ahead for fear of jinxing myself? I’m not a bad person but I am not the best. What allows me to go on to see another day? Why am I allowed?? I guess I don’t feel special enough to be here when others can’t. Don’t get me wrong, I love life and I feel I’m truly lucky to have all the people I have in my life. I don’t think I fear death but I worry about those that need me in their life. Little people who depend on me to be there for them and show them how much they mean to me. Ugh, I would not be able to see their tears and sadness. I guess I’ll just keep going and always wonder why I’m still here…
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