kNOw

Bipolar rabbit trails

arguing with each other,

duking it out between my ears

Leaving my mind a battered battlefield, mounting casualties and fears

I want to know,

no matter yes or no,

just let me know

I can handle it, whatever,

I just have to know the blow—

brace for high or low,

just someone let me know.

To not know is to drag me below

the surface,

down into deep, dark cobwebbed corners

I didn’t know held shadows darker still.

The worst tyrants of all

are the lies which fill themselves

into gaps you leave me to ponder.

Burn me with fire, I’ll handle the heat

Soak me with a deluge, I’ll weather the wind

Engulf me in the sea, I’ll hold my breath til the very last moment my lungs are able

just don’t leave me to wonder, ponder, wander….else I’m lost…. Nothing stable.

In the desert or adrift,

Alone with no one to know,

What is the mirage?

No one

to speak out the “no”

to the lies and the barrage of cries of shame, guilt, and rage.

The most crippling of monsters are the ones they never show.

In your mind, they creep, they prey on your very soul.

The strongest fulcrum and Achilles heel is an ounce of hope,

deferred.

So shoot from the hip if you must,

But shoot straight. And shoot now.

An arrow to the heart is survivable.

But this mental implosion is digging its own grave, burying itself alive, perishing slowly, and is chronically coming back to haunt its own grave.

I need to know,

no matter yes or no,

just let me know

I can handle it, whatever,

I just have to know the blow—

brace for high or low,

just someone let me know.

Someone let me know.

Know or no…more.