I Remember and I Grew

Dear Mr. Evil,

I have now made it 5 years and 11 months exactly since it all began. When I was vulnerable after losing a very close friend at the time, I dropped out of school and decided to hit a dark narrow road. You happened to be right there and I thought that was a sign that it was meant, little did I know it was really the devil testing me and I failed. I thought I could help you get clean instead it turned into me getting humiliated and broken. I remember waking up and finding you hiding in the closet doing you "evil dust" and the first time I tried to stop you, I saw the darkness take over your eyes and I was honestly scared, I let it slide because you apologized and I really believed it. Then it quickly got worse, I remember every shower I took alone you broke the door off the hinges because I wasn't "aloud" to shower without you. I remember if I woke you up when I was trying to get out of bed I got strangled and passed out because I was a "selfish bitch" I remember finding out I was pregnant and you looked at me and told me you would rip the child out and throw it against the wall, later that week I got thrown from the stairs onto the couch, I soon after had a miscarriage ( I truly believe God did that one for a reason sadly). I remember the first time I told your father so he would help he tried and when he did try you pinned me down on the ground and spit on my face and he had to tased you and it didnt work so you then punched him as well, he just gave up and left and no one ever called the police because I guess we were all scared of him. I remember I wanted to go to work early to get away and you drug me by my hair around the table and kicked me in my ribs until your little brother just so happened to come home at that time. I had appointments to go to and you kicked me out of the vehicle because I just cried because I begged for you to get clean but instead you kicked me out of the vehicle while snowing and went to get your drugs. I remember you throwing logs at my head and tablets and countless objects. I was 93 pounds, sad, broken, and helpless. Until May of 2016 I finally got the strength to get ahold of my friend and called her to tell her what happened and she came to get me and I left that same day, I never looked back and never will forget sadly. I know have been with an amazing man for almost three years we are married and have our first child on the way, he is drug free and caring. Does it mean I am fixed sadly no, sadly it took me years until I wasn't scared to shower alone, years to not get scared when voices were raised. My husband has seen me when I've had my break downs and he knows what I went through I have told him as well, I saw my abuser for the first time in 5 years a week ago and I wasn't scared I wasn't nervous I was in shock because he still looked the same and my husband was by my side. I thank God everyday for allowing me to escape that nightmare and allowing me to get to the other side and form the life and family I always dreamed of. I know this may seem like a rambling mess or a bunch of words, but it helped me to tell my story to the world because I have held it in for so long except to a few close friends and my husband. So, if you are in a dangerous situation never give up, never. There will always be light at the end God will always be there when you least expect it.

Sincerely,

The one who wasn't Selfish