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there is this boy .. let's call him A
2 years ago · 1 · Explicit
72
so I am in 11th grade now (17 years old) , and Idk what I feel about this guy .
a little background : I am the quiet girl in class since I was in 7th grade untill now , I never talked because I have social anixiety and I am insecure about my body and skin ( acne and stuff) and that makes my anixiety worse and worse everyday .. (+PLUS I skip school alot ..Idk why but I feel good doing that ..and I know it is not because of the classes like math or anything..I am sure that it is because of my anixiety )
when I first entered 7th grade (I was new , so was everyone) I was like " oh ! which one is the most handsome of the boys in the class ? maybe it is this boy (let's call him A)?"
Look .. idc about the looks or anything ..the most important thing for me in a relacionship is the truse and agood pure heart and not cheating ofc ..
at the time when I first enterd the class and thought about that I was just kidding with my self .. I was like "oh he is handsome ..good "
and he was not even that handsome .. he is not my type at all
but I started to really like him .. I even searched his and his parents social accounts and saw his photos when he was young (chield) in his parents accounts , this was for a whole entire year .. but yk ..I was the quiet girls .. so I did not talk to him ..ever ..maybe once or twice a year .. and maybe it was about a class or something ..but not a real talk or anything .
(guys don't really talk to girls in our culture ..plus I have a strict parents..thats why I don't talk to guys at all..not even a good morning"
when I was on 8th grade I dreamed about another guy who was in my class .. and after this dream I kinda liked him (don't worry it was a normal dream lol)
this guy was a friend of A .. let's call this guy Y .
so I liked Y ... and started to lose feelings for A .
Y was a guy how talks to alot of girls in class and he was so social unlike A.
I also talked to Y maybe twice a year .. once he asked for the day/month
and the other was about a book that I read .. A was sitting next to Y at the time..and A sayed "can I see the book?"
I said sure , and gave it to him.. he read a little of it and handed it back to me .
I took it and the day went just fine .
I had small feelings for A , but I still liked Y.
when I was on 9th grade ..we did not talk much ..maybe we did not at all ..
maybe once ? Idk ..
but in 9th grade Y started dating a girl named L..she was new to the class and she was social ..and at the time me and my old bestfriend were not that close ..and I started to be afriend to another girl named S
I hated them for it but yk .. I treated them very well as if there were nothing.
and started to lose feelings.
(S and I now are bestfriends .. I did not replace S with my old bestfriend ..my old bestfriend was so toxic)
IN 10th grade .. covid hit ..we learned nothing face-to-face in school.. all of it was on zoom .
so I did not see Y or A for a almost a year ..maybe I saw them once when they turned on there cameras .
now in 11 th grade .. we are back to school ..and I feel that it is awkward ..he looks at me alot (he did before but maybe it was me ?) .. today I talked with a guy in 10th grade outside of the school to ask something about today's exam .. A was there .. he looked at us .. I could see him look at me and the guy (there is nothing between us ..just a question and S was with me when we were talking )
I am not sure if he loves me tho ..but even if he does ..I may be happy .. but I can't ..I have strict parents and I can't date anyone ..
Idk what I feel for him now ..and Idk what he feels for me .
btw I am done with Y .. he hurt S and he was talking shit about her .
sorry for my bad english..I am too lazy to see what I wrote again , sorry.
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