Sadness

I'm feel like I'm drifting away from the only person I care about. I wrote a post about this before but I have to keep coming back because I don't know any other healthy way to cope. I feel like for the past few weeks me and my best friend have kind of drifted. At first I thought it was my fault. I felt depressed so I thought that she thought I was boring or something because I had less energy. She had also told me she was busy so I thought that was a contributing factor as well. But recently, I feel like she just doesn't like talking to me. I know she prob doesn't feel like that but I have to keep telling myself that. I had to stop the urge to text her. Like today, I wanted to text her about something but I stopped myself because I didn't think she would want to hear from me. I understand she's busy, so am I, but I feel like she still talks to other people equally as she always has. I see her talking in the hallways when she told me she was going to go home early. And I assume she also texts people often too. It kind of makes me sad because I still see her talking to other people so I just feel replaced. I feel like in general we drifted and idk why. I'm pretty sure I just feel like this. For example: One time I was telling her I wasn't going to go to prom. She said "ok." But I remember a few months before when we were talking about prom we were making random plans like how'd we ditch the prom when we got there. And she said smth like "it'll only be fun with you." Being alone is one of my biggest fears. It's pretty funny considering that I feel alone 90% of the time. I guess that's why I'm so scared of it, because I know how I feel and what I do during those times. Idk, maybe I was always meant to be alone. I know I prob won't completely drift from my best friend, but rn it's looking like that. Either way I'm so thankful for her. She really made my life 10000 times better. I can't even express in words how grateful I am for her. I wanted to be best friends with her forever and I was always scared we would drift or she would replace me. Maybe I just have to get used to being alone...