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That's what people tell me. They have for years, and I will do eventually.
This is usually something that people say to me whenever I tell just about any story from my past because honestly I have almost none that are not utter madness to most people. To me they are just tiny snippets of my childhood and life, but I do recognise that it has been very bizzare, and would probably make for a good read.
Anyway, this isn't why I popped in here.... I popped in because just when my life started seeming normal about ten months ago, and I started putting serious thought into the whole write a book mallarky... My world exploded!!
Everything around me, every aspect of my life seemed to just go wrong all at once, and then it seems every person in my world decided that I am the person to help/support /advise/guide/listen/fix and just generally know what to do for them all.
I've tried, I'm still trying but christ on a bike... Where did they see the sign that said I could be their saviour? I mean really, I've never made that claim so where did the notion come from?
The thing is, I'll never say I don't have time for them to at least listen, and if they say they need me then I'll find a way to be there and that's why I have been the rock while a whole lot has happened...
Basically, it was my husbands family who needed me, here's some of what's been going on....
His mother tried to kill herself twice. Then her marriage to his stepfather ended. The step father became physically abusive to his mother (Completely out of character and very shocking for us all) which resulted in his arrest and him not being allowed near the house.
All of that started when their daughter who is 16 claimed/disclosed that her brother (their son) who is 21 had sexually abused her for years some time before.
This was disclosed to myself (37) and my husbands sister(36), so we got her help with crisis councillors and police and all the official ways you deal with that sort of event.
That is all still very much ongoing so I won't speak more about it aside to say that neither of those live at the family home anymore. 21 is in university, 16 is in supported teen accommodation.
In the middle of the seperation my father in law has been diagnosed with lung cancer, which seems quite advanced, and my mother in law is struck with guilt over the arrest and injunction and all of the drama that has gone along with that.
Along side of all of that we have my sister in law, who is also my best friend. She has split up with her sons dad about two months ago, in the middle of all of this. She began to rekindle a relationship with a person she knew almost twenty years ago which didn't go very well and now she's not holding it together either. The accusations from her younger sister about their brother have brought to the surface some old trauma of her own and she has decided that she's seeking justice for things in her past. She has got to give an interview to the police next week. I'll be there for her.
Along with all of this I have my husband and daughter who I have to care for. My daughter is nineteen but lives at home with us, they both have mental health problems. My husband is a hoarder, it's part of his condition which has lead to us having some difficulty with our housing association. In a way it has been a good thing because we now have support and a referral to the right type of therapy that will help him, but the whole ordeal has been very hard for him and our daughter who is autistic and doesn't cope well with any changes to her surrounding or routines.
All in all, its been a wild ride and I would like to get off now thanks!! You know how you can get the photo of yourself on the roller-coaster and it's always at the big drop? We'll I don't want to see what I've looked like through this...it would be terrifying.
I need to start taking steps away from everyone's stresses and dramas. I will help, if I can actually be of practical use you know, like when my sister in law needs a babysitter, or if I'm asked for a statement but otherwise I think I need to get back to my life.
I worry about people I love and all of this has been extremely draining and none of it is anything I can change, or fix the way they seem to expect. I can't be this sponge who just soaks up all the problems people want me to.
And that is why I'm here. I guess I hope that getting all this out my head will give me space for my own problems and my own needs which I have been neglecting.
Here's hoping.
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ReplyKeep away from all of these people with problems and concentrate on your husband, daughter, and self. If any of these others want to complain to you tell them that you haven't the time to listen. If you keep taking all of this on you will have a nervous breakdown and then you will be the next problem.
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