My boring life

Okey .. since i was a kid i haven't really done something special in my life , i was a normal boy who is not socially good , cuz my parents don't let me get out of home and have fun with the boys in the hood , they thought that it is bad for me and for my future , which is right cuz now all of them boys have ruined their life . so i appreciate the fact that my parents raised me in an environement that is full of ethics and manners , but at the same time they robbed my freedom from me .

In my teenage , which people consider it the best phase in life - not for me tho - i was this shy kid who can only talk while eyes are on ground , i wanted to do relationships with girls like everyone else , but couldn't - cuz of my stupid shyness - of course , even tho i realized that some girls have feelings from me and ready to be with me and that made me very happy and depressed at the same time cuz i couldn't do nothing oubviously . when i remember that i get really angry ; why did i miss those chances ?! fuck me ! all my friends had girlfriends , they had sex , they kissed , and knowing that got me so depressed , sometimes i spend 2 hours just daydreaming about me having a lovely girlfriend living happy life , and that adds to my depression cuz it's not real.

school life is over , now it's time for college , i got a little bit social i can now talk with girls while focusing on their eyes , i thought yeah this is it ! i am going to have the best relationships ! but nothing happend i didn't like any of them in my class and apparently no one of them wanted me anyway , and i am still a little bit shy to talk to girls that are not my classmates ...i said in my self fuck it am just going to focus on my self for now ! so i got a part time job , started making money i felt good and important ! this job helped me a lot in getting the two things that i had only dreamt for : a gaming computer and a motorcycle . i was at the peek of my hapiness when i got them like super super happy , i am still happy at the moment too for having them but i got used to it , tho all of those good things that happend didn't helped to forget how lonely i am in terms of love ... tho the job was so harsh and hard , it fucked up all of my physical health , so i had to quit it and focus on the study cuz the exams were on the way . i finished my 2 years in college , got first in class which didn't made me happy at all , so i applied for some universities too finish my third year to get a bachelor degree , but apparently nothing accepted me so far , i am still waiting till this day that i am writing this , and while in this periode i was watching videos on youtube that shows men approaching girls at street and getting numbers

& dates , that got me excited ! so i started doing the same , approaching girls at street .. at first it was really weird and unusual but i got comfortable with it , i even boosted my confidence nnd my hapiness cuz i realized that not many men can do that ... even so nothing , rarely that a girl would look at me and aknowledge that i am there , girls here don't wanna give any chance to me apparently , i don't know why , it's like i have a curse from the day i was born ... i do chat online with girls strangers in certain sites but nothing again , no result ! tho i can tell you that i am a normal boy no fancy hair or clothing , i am not handsome ( tho a lot of girls assure that i am cute ) , i don't have a deep voice , i don't have money , i am 170 cm and a little bit fit cuz i am working on it , and i am more into the silent type , but i wanna change all of this , i want to be or to have something that would get me attention and love that i haven't got all the past 19 years , i wanna be able to live my life to the fullest and do everything that i want ... cuz i am the hero of my life.

So now at the moment , i am 19 almost 20 , no job no study no love .. i got nothing to do except the routine , i am depressed and lonely , i got no friends , no lover , no one is talking with me .

i don't wanna be like this anymore .