I'm Sorry

Hello. If you're reading this it means that I prob sent it to you right now. I am currently writing this on October 23rd, and I will prob send it to you sometime in November or December. I will prob send this to you and then run away and log out LOL. Basically, I just wanted to tell you how I feel currently. Recently, I think that you prefer other people than me and I thought you replaced me lol. I realized the main time you only hung out with me after school is when you had to stay, either for the club or for another reason. Speaking of the club, I'm sorry but I feel like I have to quit. I know it doesn't matter because you don't like that club. I know I said I would quit in November or December but I feel like I can't fake smile and show up anymore. I give up. Anyways, basically I noticed how most days you preferred to hang out with other people. Even on the days when I would come up to you just to say hi, you would seem surprised like you didn't expect to see me those days. And honestly, I don't even like staying back for lunch most days so I understand. The only reason I did is if you were staying as well. At that point I felt like I could've stayed at home for a few months and you wouldn't noticed LOL. So I want to clarify that I'm not sad that you hung out with other people on the days I was staying for lunch. Why would I be sad for that? It's just because I felt like you replaced me with your other friends. Honestly I'm fine with it, I'm just sad but it doesn't matter. I know you did it only a few times originally, but this week I noticed for pretty much everyday. The real reason I go home early is when I think you wouldn't want to stay. And from now on, I'm just going home early. I won't even come to school for a few months so it doesn't matter.

And remember the situation that happened with me, you, and another person. I know at one point you said you don't like talking to that person, but after what happened a few weeks ago, I thought you would replace me with that person too. Another thing that made me sad was that I felt like you were tired of me in general. Let me explain: Remember how I told you sometimes I would message you and you wouldn't answer but I would see a couple recent photos you liked? And I think you said you didn't mean to do that. I didn't tell you this but one time when me and her talked, that person sent a screenshot of their phone to show me something the exact same moment she got a notification from you. But at that time I remember texting you about something almost an hour ago and you didn't reply. And that happened maybe twice. Even after you told me you didn't mean to, I still saw a couple of times the same thing. The reason I'm telling you this is because you told me that answering that person was draining. So when you answered other people before, I thought I was even worse than that and was draining you. Sometimes I needed to tell you something or wanted to talk to you, I just wouldn't. I also wanted to make a couple plans with you but then didn't. I understand why you don't always want to respond, you didn't even have to apologize about it before because I understand. Just these things that I explained made me think you were replacing me. I never told you this but I was always sad at the fact during college, we might not talk to each other. So during high school, I always thought you were replacing me even now. Honestly I have a lot of options to replace me because literally everyone is better than me haha.

One time I remember I was telling you I wasn't going to prom and I think you said "oh ok." So I thought that meant you didn't care because before we made joke plans about it. So then I thought u already replaced me with other people.

The reason I am not telling you this now is because I don't feel like talking about my feelings right now. And I don't think you wanted to hear this right now too because it's not really important. I'm sorry I'm just sad rn and don't know what to do. That's why I'm writing my emotions on an anonymous website for now. Honestly, I wasn't even going too tell you about my feelings but right now I feel sad so I feel like I should. Like idk I just feel really sad rn but I just have to ignore my emotions by myself. I know you didn't specifically say that you didn't like talking to me. But I already explained what I meant by that and how I felt like you only hung out with me only when you had to.

Also you mean sm to me and were the only person that got me through quarintine and school. You were the only person who made me happy. And I already told you this before but I literally told my therapist that talking to you was the only thing that made me happy. And honestly you helped me A LOT more than my therapy sessions I'm not exaggerating. Idk, the point of this message is just to tell you how I feel currently and just appreciation too.

Anyways, I think that is most of what I have to say. I hope you read all of this. and yea I love you and thank you <3

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