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I blacked out and hooked up with a guy my friend was attracted to. I was also in a relationship at the time and the whole thing makes me so guilty. She was there while this was happening and I wonder why she didn't stop me. or maybe she did and I told her I was fine which is what I tend to do when drunk out of my mind. I'm very convincing. The story I was told was that I started flirting with her crush's friend. I went into the room with the friend and gave him head and then came out started flirting with the crush and kissed him.
The whole thing is out of character for me and it makes me feel so dirty and no matter how many times she says she's over it/ forgives me, I know our relationship will never be the same. I've since quit drinking and it makes me feel more in control of my life. But I often think is that the real me? Am I so messed up as a person that I would do that to my friend? Do I even care about her? They often say that alcohol gives you the courage to be yourself and if that's the case I do not want to be myself b/c that is disgusting.
I write this out as an apology to my friend, my boyfriend, and my friend's crush because if I kissed him right after I sucked his friend off that is also gross and not right. *SIGH* I do not regret many things, but that is the worst thing I have done in my life and I cannot even remember it. I'm stuck having this feeling that I didn't do anything like that, but I cannot even vouch for myself.
If I can give one piece of advice is to stop conforming to society and stop drinking. It's not good for you. It's a legal poison that no one questions why we're so excited to drink at the tender age of 21 or whatever age your country allows. Break the cycle! To anyone out there making poor decisions b/c of alc, take it from me I've made some bad decisions leading up to this day, but this was my breaking point.
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In this way Nobody will harm their enemy too
ReplyIt's just one of those things you have to live with. It sucks because there is no one to blame but yourself. Good see you're cutting back on alc. Maybe everything happens for a reason... maybe she wasn't supposed to be with and you saved her, but at the cost of your friendship.
Things happen in mysterious ways.
ReplyI am glad that this rock bottom incident has finally caused you to really wake up and begin stepping in the right direction, although it is unfortunate that it had to come to hurting the people you love and yourself. Thankfully your friend forgived you so I would say, in terms of her, be grateful and move on. I guess your friendship just needs time now. In terms of your boyfriend, I don’t know your situation as you didn’t mention it, but I also hope both of you move on in the way most appropriate to your relationship with minimal unnecessary further damage. Good luck.
ReplyUmmm. I think you did wrong but in a good way. Atleast you got satisfied
Now you Won't hook up around you have learnt now
Its good
Replyp.s I did not tell him about this night b/c I could not bring myself to say it.
ReplyPls tell him
Being loyal to him is more important rn
ReplyIf I tell him he'll never speak to me again. I'm afraid of losing him and my friend
ReplyOkay dear
Don't feel guilty about it
You have told your secret to us and its safe here
Just leave this thought and be loyal to everyone you love and admire
Replyjust dont regret it now. You are good human being and now move on without this guilt
ReplyHere's what I found about blackouts. It's not your normal behavior and alcohol does not make you become your true self. It makes you become your "stupid" but fearless self. Meaning you make decisions w/o thinking of the consequences.
"The prefrontal cortex is a part of the brain that helps us to make decisions, it helps us to weigh up the risks and benefits of doing something. It is normally what stops you doing things that are risky or harmful," says John J. Woodward, a professor in the department of neurosciences at the Medical University of South Carolina, where he's carried out multiple experiments into how alcohol affects this crucial part of the brain.
"My studies have shown that alcohol can actually affect the ability of neurons in that part of the brain to function properly. The prefrontal cortex is essentially turned off in the presence of alcohol and people are unable to make optimal decisions. You can't tell the difference between the right decision and the wrong decision."
In a survey of American students, 66.4% reported "blackout drinking", meaning they lost memory of what happened to them. This is all down to how alcohol affects the part of the brain that deals with memory.
"The hippocampus is the part of the brain that records memories of your life. Alcohol essentially flips the switch and turns the hippocampus off. It prevents the hippocampus from creating memories, so the memories just simply don't exist," says Dr Aaron White, senior scientific advisor to the director of the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism in the USA. "As far as your brain is concerned, the events never occurred."
Reply