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Stuff i have to do. Stuff i want to do but i am too stressed or afraid. Stuff I have to do but really rather avoid doing at all possible costs, even though I know they will benefit me and my family in the future or that they are ultimately inevitable. I also have made goals to work more on keeping my emotions in tune and in check, trying to act more maturely by acting confident and keeping a clear mind but I am mostly doing that for those around me. I am almost an adult but I don’t feel like I am nearing that point. I don’t want people to think that I have a high ego, that’s why I have been keep to myself because often I am fighting two sides in my mind where one thinks too highly of itself and is constantly judging others but the other constantly puts me down. My mind is looking for a balance, I am told to be proud of my achievements by some because others don’t get them, but I fear that I hurt others inadvertently so I often put myself down in my mind even if I don’t want to. I don’t want people to think I am mean, but I don’t want them to think I am weak. I quietly think all these judging thoughts and keep them to myself. Maybe I have an ego, but I don’t want others to know it because I just want to have a balance.
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Hey hey hey me toooo I'm almost an adult (so you're 17?) and that's a problem I had before. I'm still having the problem of trawling through every beneficial thing to do for my future. Personally, what I realised was that my ego wasn't helping anyone, even me, but that's because both sides - the putting-me-down side and the inflated side - were both at extremes. The consequences were pretty painful and I'm still facing them. As a result, and unavoidably, I just stopped using my ego as a voice in my decision-making, especially regarding my achievements. Both sides are still there, just not so inflamed. Personally, I just try to not think anything of, for example, achievements, because ultimately they're just e.g. a number out of 100 to show how well I did in that moment. If you dissect it, there's nothing really to be proud of. Life goes on. I don't know if that's what you're asking, but I guess having an ego is fine - it's inevitable - but keep it in check. In my opinion, just try to hush it and keep going with mindfulness, but that's been concluded with the same number of years of life I've had as you, so take that with a pinch of salt.
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