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I think I'm hurting my mom..
Im 21 and I have a sister who's 3 and shes attatched to me, and sometimes even calls me mom, but everytime she does I correct her and say no, im your sister and mom is your mom. My sister doesn't want anyhting to do with my mom.. Maybe it's cause I basically raised her, and that's not my fault. My mom would work, so would her father so majority of the 3 years of life she has lived she's been with me no matter what,I even take weeks off from college to watch her when no one else can and when sh'es sick.. but I can't help but be there for her when i don't want her in a toxic envrionment.. and I know it hurts my mom a lot, she even cries and tells me how she thinks my sister hates her but i always reassure her that she doesn't. I hate being in this situation bc i dont like seeing my mom hurt, and when i leave or go away my sister cries like shes being murder, it hurts my sister and my mom...I just, i dont know what to do. I love y mom dearly and my siblings.. I just want my sister to love and be with her but everywhere i go she wants to be with me. She even sleeps with me and doesn't want to sleep with her parents. You would think I BIRTHED her.. i just sometimes feel bad... any advice
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it definitely is a conflicting situation, and it's no wonder you are all hurting from it. but it's important that you understand this and repeat it to yourself even if you don't believe it: you are not hurting your mom or anyone, you are not guilty or at the fault of anything. you cannot control the conditions you grow up in that are out of your hands, but you can control your decisions to live through it. had you not been there for your sister, she would've grown up alone, but you gave her company and care when nobody else could. that is truly admirable, not everyone is capable or willing to do that.
your sister is still incredibly young; she's at the age where children get possessive and have huge, loud tantrums. you can only fit so many emotions inside such a tiny body, it's no wonder they explode sometimes. taking this into consideration, your sister may be stubborn about remaining at your side and calling you mom, but i think you all need some time to let her grow up. i think she will begin to understand the situation eventually. but she's still very small so be patient. the process won't be easy, that's for sure, but we all need to grow and time helps us heal. remember, your mom's pain is not your fault.
ReplyI really appreciate this, I am in college for early childhood education so children at this age are not only sensitive but the things they see, hear, etc will build their character for how they slowly grow up and as hard as this situation is I just have to look at the good in it i suppose for the sake of the little one. At times I understand it isn't my fault for hurting my mom but, It is overall just overwhelming for me because I didn't want to be put into this situation it just happens, life happens right. But in the end, i will always be there for her and my mother. If i had to mature by 7, I am pretty sure i am capable of being able to help and raise my sister. I always think about like, god forbid something was to happen for my mom I am able/willing to take on the accountability of being a parent to my siblings. things are just hard sometimes, but again I trully appreciate this response
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