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i don't need particular advice on anything but i would still like to know what you think of this situation.
a while ago, one of my closest friends told me (F, 20) that she had feelings for me. at that time i was seeing someone and she said she would keep her distance from me so that she wouldn't interfere in my relationship or make me uncomfortable. but i didn't accept that; i didn't have feelings for her but her feelings didn't make me uncomfortable, and the last time i wanted was for her to distance herself from me, so i told her exactly that. our friendship continued normally.
time later, my relationship ended, nothing much really happened. one day, she suddenly mentions her feelings towards me again and i was surprised because i didn't know she still felt that way about me. that's when she confessed she had actually liked me since we met, which was years ago, she just never spoke about it aside from that one time. then she clarified, she didn't like me anymore, no, she loved me now. i was sad because... even now, i didn't have feelings for her. i told her just that. she asked me not to feel bad, because feelings aren't something you can control. once again our friendship continued normally.
then one day, i suddenly realize the kind of affection and warmth i have towards her was more than just friendship. i did developed feelings for her back. i told her but i also said i was scared. because i didn't think i knew how to properly pursue a relationship and i didn't want to lose her as a friend if something happened between us. she said she felt the same way. she said her feelings were just as strong still, but she wasn't interested in pursuing a relationship either.
in the end, we would very often talk about our feelings for each other, like we were confessing to each other over and over again. we would admit to wanting to do things together, different kinds of things. but we also live far from each other so we couldn't do much aside from fantasize together. i don't know how she feels about me right now and i haven't really thought through how i feel about her right now either, but it doesn't really matter, i'm just thinking it's a little funny that the universe gave us the opportunity but we both choose not to take it, and we never regretted anything, even now. we were happy being friends who also happened to have feelings for each other without being in a relationship.
i guess i'm just curious about what you think. i'd like to know.
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Why does it feel like I was the girl ? I experience that situation too and I am just saying that I didnt want a relationship for the guys to think na I am askibg for one, but deep inside I know that I want it, so I hope just pursue her
Replyit sounds like both of you are passionate about the friendship. if you believe love is friendship on fire (it's a saying), it sounds like you have it, a developed love.
ReplyBe careful with relationships like that. Imo its not great to have unclear boundary where its not one way or another. Its very in between of two very different thing- what couples do and what strictly friends do. If you are sure about your feelings toward her (thinking about her often, feeling that your life is better with her in it, not wanting to share her attention with someone else) its better to make it clear: “I want you in my life and ready to take next step of being in a relationship. It will not have anything change between us- it will be just like how it is now. I know you feel very comfortable with how things have been. We can adjust as time goes on. I just want to make it official as, I dont want the chance to lose you to someone else. What Im trying to say is, Im ready and I am willing to wait for you to join me.” That sets the tone that you are serious and willing to invest time. I am only suggesting this because you guys are all smiles and sweet right now but as soon as one of you start to be interested in someone else (which is possible and is common), there will be less confusion. Just my opinion though,
ReplyThank you for sharing your thoughts on this! To be very honest with you, I don't see myself in a relationship, and neither does she at the moment. She's had relationships already even after she told me how she felt. I don't really mind it. I don't pretend on controlling her or anyone.
ReplyThere's a probability that you just got attracted to her since you broke up with your ex girlfriend and that she might be the only girl you're keeping friendship with. Idk but it seems like it. Such relationships don't really work imo.
ReplyDon't take this personally but it's quite funny to me that the few people who have read this post think I (the author of this post) am a guy, I think they all missed when I said "(F,20)". I'm a 20 year old girl. This friend of mine is also a girl, and we both have other friends who are mostly girls.
It would be shallow of me to only want her near me simply because I'm attracted to her. I have to admit, I didn't develop feelings for her as soon as that other person and I broke up, and when we did break up, it didn't hurt me or anything, so I wasn't using her as something to cover for the other person.
This friend of mine is someone I truly treasure, but hey, the point is that neither of us wants to be in a relationship, so we aren't trying to be together, we just acknowledge our feelings. Thank you for your reply!
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