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This is not your daily "ugh my boyfriend plays videogames and doesn't hang out with me at all" situation, it's actually more, he doesn't want to play with me.
And that sucks, I ask him everyday if he wants to play together. Especially this game called It Takes Two.
Its a really good game and I'm enjoying it so much. And I thought he was, going off his reactions, he was laughing and happy and really enjoyed it.
But every time I ask now it's "later, I'm playing this", "later I'm not in the mood," so I wait. I wait later. But thing is, unlike him, (and I don't resent him for this at all mind you) I have a job.
So when he says "later" he just so happens to mean the exact time I go to work.
Like I'm sorry, that makes me mad. And I feel so guilty because I don't want to be the type of girlfriend that gets pissed over shit like that. But holy fuck.
Today I asked him, "can't you just change your schedule just a little, play it takes two now with me and the other game later whole I'm at work? That makes more sense"
'No I don't want to'
THIS IS THE SAME MAN WHO WILL DARE SAY I DONT TRY TO SPEND TIME WITH HIM.
Like bro, im not telling you to get off your game. Just include me.
Honestly, anyone who can give me advice would be appreciated.
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I don’t think this guy is valuing you a whole lot. From the sound of it, he was acting like he was enjoying playing with you, so I have no idea what his problem is. I guess you could directly ask him “Was there something you didn’t enjoy about playing with me?” Or something like that and see what he says. If he has a valid answer, then maybe that would help you figure it out. If he’s just being unkind and doesn’t want to make time for you, then that’s another story.
Does he enjoy other activities with you? Does he make you feel valued and happy doing other stuff? Think about it, and if he just never wants to dedicate time to be with you and enjoy your company, then maybe he ain’t all that great. That’s just my thoughts, not trying to give any bad advice. Good luck and hope all goes well.
Reply“ Today I asked him, "can't you just change your schedule just a little, play it takes two now with me and the other game later whole I'm at work? That makes more sense"”- you asked the wrong question.
The issue is still there, you just basically said to him “I dont care about your issue, do this for me because its what I want.” Of course he is going to say no.
Right questions are the questions without you in it (what you want, how upset you are).
So questions need to be directed at what he feels and want.
Example:
A) “I care about you, be honest with me. I want to know what makes you feel uncomfortable.”
B) “What are you talking about?”
A) “I noticed I upset you while we played “It Takes Two”. What ways am I behaving that is making you feel irritated? I genuinely care about what you have to say.”
*******I can think of two ways.
1. B) “What? I had no problem with that.”
This means theres something else- something totally different out side gaming you just missed. There is something else he feels irritated about that he feels like not doing any favors for you (like playing your game) because to him it doesnt feel like its fair. Without judgment ask him if there is something you have been doing that upset him.
2. B) “yeah, whenever we play x,y,z happen.”
Dont say anything that shows your emotions. Instead ask questions to learn more about things that triggered him, ask him how you can change that will make him feel more comfortable, or tell him you will work on it and would appreciate it if he gave you another chance. If you gives you another chance, dont screw it up as he literally told you the problem he cant handle of you.
This is super helpful thankyou.
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