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I'm pissed on so many different levels. For starters, the housing at my dorm will not let me stay an extra day for an academic event that I am required to attend so I have to rent a room in my university's town so I can attend the event and be able to go home the next day, which by the way is nearly a 5 hour drive. My mother shattered her kneecap a week ago so now my family and I can't celebrate my birthday and a huge accomplishment I just made (passing an audition to get into a very difficult degree program) in a steakhouse like I wanted to. I'm worried about my mom, I'm disappointed that I don't feel like I'm home and I'm pissed that I ended up having to cook. I'm so tired. School is stressful and scary. At least I have an emotional support cat.
I made it home for Thanksgiving and it doesn't feel like home. My cats don't recognize me, I keep thinking I want to go home and I'm supposed to be home right? But it doesn't feel like it. At school, I'm used to just going and doing what I need to and I am in excellent academic standing, like think music major. But at home if I want to go practice or rehearse, I have to ask to go somewhere. It makes sense to ask to borrow the car because I don't own it, it belongs to my parents. But, it doesn't make sense to me to have to ask to go to the store, I just go.
I'm in a long distance relationship with someone who lives across the country and they are an engineering student and trying to get into a fraternity designed specifically for their major. They love me, I love them, the relationship isn't the problem. I hate that they don't have time to take care of themselves, they barely have time to talk to me. I just want the best for them. And yes, I've spoken to them about it, they know how I'm feeling.
Please don't provide me with advice. I just want to know I'm not alone.
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