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and it's been so hard to stay hydrated. its super cold and I have an unimaginable amount of school work to complete and study for before final's over. so I am so stressed. help omg. I'm stressed about my financial situation for college now that the COVID relief is lifted from the loans I have to start paying or else interest will pile up. it's so difficult. it's not fair. like bro, can I pursue my education and career in peace without loans? why do they put loans and then interest on it? finding a job should be serious not stressful right? like the government wants to add another item to my plate to worry about. like, I am a middle class income student. what else do you want from me. I worked my ass off in high school to the point where my health (gut health and leading to my severe inflammatory acne diagnosis) and mental has taken a toll. I am burnt out. I literally involved myself in every extra curricular in high school and volunteered at local hospitals and various volunteer opportunities. but how is it bad enough that I lost my sense of identity to the point I have no idea how to write my personal statement on my college essay? why is it so hard to realize who I want to be in the future? and what I want to work for? it feels so heavy to live and yet too expensive to d-word. also it's tempting me. I just need to work enough so that I get enough money for funeral expenses. and if I were to die university loans would just disappear. my parents don't have to worry. they just need to transact the amount of money I earned for my funeral payment and use it for that. I hate to live. I hate to live so much.
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You are looking at all of this in a very negative way. Try looking at it in the way that it is the gateway to getting a job to secure your future.
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