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I’m not sure where to start. I had a rough last few years. Last year I spent a year in therapy. Last July I stopped therapy because I felt more at peace. I think I jumped the gun. I feel like I’m not happy in my marriage. But when I left last year for a few months, I feel like I came back with us stronger. But it’s as if our 6 years together with him being abusive doesn’t mend over 6 months of him being aware. I feel like I am unfairly waiting for him to go back to old habits. It scares me to commit to anything anymore because I’m holding my breath.
He’s expressed a few times his unhappiness with my recent distance. And when I mention we should part ways. He freaks out and says he’s fine. I feel like he gaslights me by telling me he’s fine and I put words in his mouth (though I repeat what he’s expressed to me). Honestly. It feels like We’re not married anymore. We’re good friends in the same house with the same last name. I feel like because he won’t see our situation for what it is, he’s lying to himself and me. But I can’t fight someone who argues the opposite. His actions don’t align with his words.
He’s out so much into what he wants us to be, that he can’t see anything without. Before I left him this summer he told me things hinting at Suicide or just living a lonely life cause he’ll never date after me.
He always holds our difference in expressing our love for each other over my head. I guess I’m not sure if I do love him enough or if I’m his verbal attacks he makes me feel like I never love him enough or correctly. It’s so foggy. And if I ask for him to talk about it. He swears he knows I love him and he is blessed. But I feel like he’s just convincing himself out of fear that knowing I’m not 100% here that means I should leave and he won’t ever allow that to happen.
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Sounds like a lot. Have you sparked interest in counseling? What helped my marriage was reading a book about love languages. There's like five of them: Words of affirmation, physical touch, receiving gifts, quality of time and acts of service. Also living in humbleness and forgiveness seem to be working lately as well.
ReplyWe read the 5 love languages in marriage counseling last year.
I guess ( I told the therapist and him) it’s that the book is great. I can see it and agree with it. But the problem is more like, his love language is words of affirmation and quality time. I can give him 100% of my free time and kind/needed words. But it’s never enough. Like if I see a friend, he’s upset those 2 hrs were not with him. Of course I want to spend quality time but it is really hard to give 100% and nothing left over for me/family/friends/pets.
Then again he expresses problems in our marriage and I repeat them back he claims that’s not what he said. Like our marriage is falling apart but he thinks we’re perfectly fine. Like Jekyll and Hyde.
ReplySorry to be hearing this. He may have a porn problem. Don't mean to dig in too deep. But secret behaviors in marriage is detrimental.
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