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A note I won't be needing; because I'm seeking help
1 month ago · · Depression,
I am sitting here staring at this blank screen with a classroom full of people behind me. Wondering how no one noticed it. Wondering how people are so tunnel visioned into their own lives that they don’t see or hear the cries for help around them.
I’m thinking about how even the counselor who spoke to me today said “you look like you're doing better, we can end early today and plan not to meet again for the remainder of the semester” even though I was on the verge of tears through the entire conversation….even though I openly admitted to skipping classes and wanting to sleep all of the time.
I’m thinking about how my own boyfriend doesn't see the will I lack to live. We sleep together every night, he hears me cry myself to sleep, he sees the late hours I lie awake. He sees me clinging to my phone because it's my only real friend. Yet again, it seems to be that he doesn't see. He doesn't see me at all.
I wonder if the masks we wear have masked my pain and created a feeling of relief in the people around me. Maybe this lack of facial communication leads to a loss of reading. Maybe it will lead to the loss of me.