realisation

is it possible to feel like ur falling without actually falling. Like the feeling of everything falling apart and all you want to do is disappear. In those moments I feel like I’m falling.

But even when things are falling apart, when you try and hold them together it’s like it all just gets worse. But if you let go and fall everything gets out of hand and the next thing you know your sitting in front of your therapist telling them all about how your life is falling apart.

But of course you have your moments of everything is ok everything is fine your happy again and smiling and laughing. Oh but you just wait because anxiety and depression will creep up on you when you finally think things are back to normal. And then it’s like your falling again. It’s like some weird strange cycle. Or circle of life, but in this circumstance it’s a circle of mental health. And then here we go again. You stay up late to cry, your having panic attacks at school, and never going out with friends because your to depressed and just want to stay home.

But your best friend is the only one that realises. But what if your best friend isn’t talking to you at the moment. Do you just deal with it yourself? What if you can’t deal with it yourself? What if the whole time you’ve both been friends she’s been helping you cope? Then what happen? You wait till your on good terms again to dump everything that’s been happening one her? What if she’s struggling? But you know that if you don’t get help you’re going to feel this way for a very long time and you don’t want that. You just want to get better and to be free of the panic and worry that you may be in. Or the numbness your feeling.

It all equals back up to you.

That’s what I’ve just realised. That not everything is about other people. But it’s about the person you are. And the people your surrounding yourself with.

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