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this could be my over active imagination. it could be my anxiety or the meds that barely work. it could be my childhood trauma or the trauma currently being endured. why do you push me away? i could be making things up in my head like usual, assuming the worst case scenario. why does my intimacy scare you? do i make you uncomfortable? is it your own trauma? do you regret what we are? do you want to turn back time and undo that kiss? i find myself asking these questions only to be reassured and given what i crave temporarily, then it’s back to running away. when will i be worthy of all your affection? do i even deserve it? i find myself asking these questions only to fall back into old habits. i find myself communicating with a wall that talks back now and then, that lies on occasion to protect their vulnerability, like i’m the villain. thought about staying friends in order to keep me, but will end up losing me all the same as patience wears thin. i’m trying, with my lack of serotonin, with my mania, with my depressive episodes, with my anxiety, with my longing to die. will you try for me, soon enough? or will i wither away, soon enough?
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this is a lot to take in even from a stranger's perspective but wow this is beautiful hang in there sport
Replythis reminds me of my friend. i love him and don't want to lose him from my life but i also hate him for how he's treated me and for how long we have been at a standstill. it sucks when someone doesn't take responsibility in hurting you. it's like you've been punched in the gut and to stay in it is basically like abusing yourself. i won't do that.
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