What are you looking for?
Featured Topics
Select a topic to start reading.
To My Boys:
I use those words intentionally, because even though you aren"t mine, in my heart you are "my boys." I will never forget the first time we met, when your mother brought you to my house. She had warned me over and over again how shy you were with strangers, but before she could even get through the door, both of you - 4 years old at the time - had already burst right in! By the time she got inside, you were on my lap in the floor, playing video games with me.
For you it was just a fun time. You stayed in a new place, and we went to a big college football game. We wrestled, you got piggy back rides, you fought over taking turns, and you wiggled in the stands while the Pride of West Virginia played Country Roads on the field.
I don"t think you can ever really know what that weekend, and the comings days and months, meant to me, what they mean to me still, and what I know they will mean to me for the rest of my days. Up until that time, I always wondered if I would ever be able to love a child like I loved my own son. People would tell me, "Of course you will," and "You"re being silly." But I truly questioned it. And I certainly didn"t know if I ever would have room in my life - or my heart - for someone else"s children.
Yet there you were, a couple of little rough-and-tumble 4-year-olds that weren"t much larger than the average 3-year-olds, craving my attention and my affection - and me in return. I realized in those early days after first meeting your mother that I did have room in my heart for more children. We connected, and I didn"t just love your mother, but I knew I loved you both, too.
It didn"t take long for me to become invested in you. I worried about your mother finding the right school for you, making sure you had good clothes to wear, that you were engaged and that you got plenty of positive attention. I worried about you, every single day. I worried if you were safe, if you were happy, if you were growing and learning.
As time went on thoughts of my future became thoughts about our future as a family - the five of us. I started dishing out my advice, even at your young age, hoping to have some influence on shaping you into the fine men I know you"ll become. A call from either of you, or a hug, or one of your little drawings, was all it took to turn my day around. I think at that time, I needed your love as much as you needed mine.
As often happens with grown-ups, your mother and I made our share of mistakes, and in the end, we just weren"t able to figure out how to be together and be the family you both deserved. But there are still some important things I want you to hear from me. I have no way of knowing if you will ever read this, but I feel like I need to share them anyway.
First, it"s not your fault. You both did nothing but bring joy to my life and to your mother"s life still to this day. Do not ever blame yourselves or lose faith in love or relationships or people because of what happened between your mother and me.
Second, your mother loves you more than you will ever know. There will be days when you question that. Days when she drives you crazy. Days when you drive her crazy. I lost my mother suddenly, without warning, too young, and I miss her every day. I told you this when I was with you, but remember, always tell your mother how much you love her. Tell her she is beautiful every day. Pick flowers for her. Clean the house for her. Pick up your messes for her. She is the most important person you will ever have in your life, and she will always love you unconditionally. A woman can tell a lot about the character of a man by how he treats his mother. Remember that, always.
Third, I love you, too. I loved you then, I love you both to this day, and I know for the rest of my life I always will - as much as my own son. You are both so blessed to be surrounded by so many people that love you. I am one of them. No matter where life takes me, you can always reach out to me, and I will be there for you in any way that I can. No other woman or other family will get in the way of that commitment to you. I will keep on keeping on, as they say, and I will bury all of the what-if"s and what-might-have-been"s and the agonizing pain of loss I feel deep in the recesses of my heart, along with all of those memories that you cherish but are too painful for you to ever allow to fully surface.
And finally, always lean on each other. My Dad always told me that in the end, my brothers and I could only truly count on one another. I lost one of my brothers and miss him to this day, but I know if I need to talk or need support, my other two brothers are there for me. You two have a special bond. You"re thick as thieves. You bicker and fight all the time as brothers do, but as you get older, that will change. Don"t let life take you far away from one another. You will regret it if you do.
I wanted to share a few thoughts with each of you individually, too.
To [Boy 1]: You always reminded me of myself in so many ways. Remember that winning isn"t everything, but at the same time, never lose that drive you have to be the best. That drive can take you anywhere in life you want to go if you let it. You were definitely a "Mama"s Boy," but don"t ever be ashamed of that.
To [Boy 2]: You will always be my special buddy, a "Mike"s Boy." I"ll miss our little talks more than you can imagine. As you get older, life will try to harden that tender heart of yours. Don"t let it. Your kindness is part of what makes you so special. The best men are kind men.
The benefit of youth is that, Lord willing, you have much more time in front of you than behind you. And time has a way of healing wounds and erasing things. In time, your memories of our days together will fade until they"re so vague you have trouble recalling them. Maybe you will forget my name and my face. Maybe you will forget me altogether. If that happens, it"s OK, because I know that as long as I breathe, I will never forget either of you. I couldn"t even if I tried.
Behave yourselves, OK? I love you both so very, very much.
If you see a comment that is unsupportive or unfriendly, please report it using the flag button.