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Hey anyone's aromantic here? Just wanna know when do you realize you're aromantic and any experience of people (kinda) judging you for never having any romantic relationship/don't have a romantic feeling.
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I wish I was aromantic. The woman I love is a bitch.
ReplyMaybe take your time to actually meet the right one for you even if you really love this person right now. Since you wishing to be aromantic because of this woman, I think you're in a love-hate feelings for her
ReplyI'm the author and this is my story.
I realized I'm an aromantic when I was 19. During my teen years I thought that sooner or later I will and must get married. Like that's the most natural thing that should happen im anyone's life. That kinda makes me stress about the future and worrying about meeting the right person. Only years later after I met more people (and means more guys than just those in my school), I realized and confirmed that yep, I'm indeed not feeling any romantic feelings. After knowing that it's totally fine to not want any romantic relationship, I feel a sense of freedom. I don't have to worry about looking for a partner after getting a job and calculating my savings for my future family. I feel great being on my own and more comfortable than ever. And it also makes me become less conscious of guys since I used to be so conscious of them to the point of feeling nervous when talking to one.
For experience of people judging and questioning my aromantic self, mostly comes from older generation and strangers. Most of the time it's my mom who of course nag about the "side effects" of staying single till old age and even point out a seemingly bad example. When someone asked if I have a boyfriend and I said never and don't want to, they become shocked like that's the most unbelievable thing they heard in a while. But thankfully, I've got my siblings and friend who are very understanding and didn't mind this idea at all. They never pushed me to find a potential partner and it's great that we rarely talk about guys whenever we hang out. Like, there's so much more topics to choose from other than guys, love and relationship.
ReplyWhether i'm aromantic, greyromantic, or other I couldn't tell. My own relationship with my romantic orientation is complicated, I just use aromantic and try not to break my head over it.
I was actively in a relationship when I realized I was aromantic, among other things. We had been dating for a few years, and still are. I questioned it for a few months, and it took a while longer to come to terms with it. Still I have not fully accepted it. What struck me is that I noticed all at once that the way I see love, and see my relationship, and my views of the way others love in general was not the same as what most people seem to believe if that makes sense. My love is different. It doesn't come casually to me; romantic love I mean. Aside from my partner, I had never had a crush. I never had a real interest in dating, or in other people. Relationships in media or shows/movies I liked were fun and all, but not something I cared about. When i'd see things relating to romance, it could come across as stupid or annoying or even gross to me. I didn't get it. Oh, and cliche as it is, I hate romance genre. These were all little things I don't know how I didn't see sooner. Then there were the more convoluted things, discussions about what love is and how we see it, what is and isn't acceptable in love. As a concept, there's so much about romantic love to be discussed. I can talk about it all day if I wanted. I can help my loved ones with relationship conundrums pretty well. I think romantic love is beautiful. As a concept. When it comes to it, my love.. doesn't feel anything like romantic love. Nor do I want it to be romantic. Time and time again I become repulsed by genuine romance in my direction or relating to me in some sort of personal way. My love is something I wouldn't compare to any of the currently existing ones. I feel love for my family, and love for my friends. I feel love for nature and love for beauty. I feel love for the things that bring me joy. I feel love for the wonderful people of this world. But when I feel love towards my partner, this is a new love entirely. It's just as valuable to me as any other, but it's most certainly not familial. It's not romantic. It's not aesthetic or objective. It's.... my love. And that love is only for them, my partner. It's a dedicated and deep-rooted bond with a person who I hope to spend forever with. The relationship itself isn't even that similar to others, not to me anyways it's our own thing. This is probably what made realizing it for myself take longer, the fact that I do love. And I am with someone. But in no way do I believe it is your standard romantic relationship. My heart just isn't built to love like that.
Now, this isn't everything. No, not even close. But it should be enough of a story or explanation of my path to discovering i'm aromantic. I know I didn't include the second bit, about being judged. I might come and add it later underneath this, but that one is a lot harder to write. Being personally judged for aromanticism specifically is not something i've faced a lot, but I have faced a plethora of other things very similar. If you happen to be aromantic, i'm sure you can imagine.
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