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Sometimes I'm glad I met you...sometimes I'm not. Sometimes I'm angry at myself for getting in your car that day...sometimes I'm thankful I did. Sometimes I can't believe I invited you over...sometimes I pat myself on the back for pushing myself to do it. I can't decide whether you were a blessing or just absolute misery. With time, I will know. You were one of the main tracts of a loop in a rollercoaster that is my life. You cross my mind in the most inconvenient of times. Nothing affects a soul more than having a person that you talk to every day, that you lean on, that you rely on-leave your life like you were just another blade of grass in their field. The funny thing is-is I've lost people in my life that I've talked to every day for years and this still hurt more. 3 months. In 3 months you had such an impact on me. You painted a rose tinge all over my glasses. My problem is that I don't have it in me to wash off the rose coloured paint. I still haven't accepted that you walked out of my life. Even when I'm blaming you for hurting me, I know it is myself that has broken my own heart. I knew what was happening wasn't forever but I let myself become so hooked. Like you were the plot of my favourite book. Here I am at 2am...crying in my bedroom...typing my thoughts about you. I know you're probably with her...62 miles away...I likely haven't crossed your mind in 2 months. I hate how I'm making myself feel about you. I can shake this off. I know I can but why am I just choosing not to? With time, I will know.
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Hey, as someone who was once in a similar situation
these are few things i have to say
Try to not blame yourself for it, you didnt do anything wrong, you just let yourself feel joy and the love that was given at the time. You wont be able to heal unless you first accept its not your fault. All you did was rely on someone.
So I wanna say its their fault for leaving you, but try to see its not their fault its not your fault things happen people leave. The hurt they bring, is only possible if they were good to you. So, try to see why its good thing happened the way it did.
Youre choosing to hold on because youre scared that if you leave the rope there may be nothing else to hold onto, but you know what? Scared is good, it means you have something to lose. You. You have you to lose and never lose that person. Its going to be hard I wont lie to you, there will be moments where something happens and theyre the first person you think, and those moments you will feel a bit low, but try to surround yourself with something that will be a positive distraction, maybe talk to a different friend or if youre comfortable a family member about the event.
Lifes shitty and things happen and against all will and fight things change and thats just something that sucks but we cant avoid it sadly. But we can try to use the same rose coloured paint and look at the situation knowing you are going to be okay, because you know what? You are. They came and made your life good even if it was for 3 months. How does time matter, its the connection.
More people will come, people who are worth it people who will stay, youre just now making more space in your heart for those who are worth all the effort.
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