What are you looking for?
4 months ago · · Hopeless ,
Sometimes I'm glad I met you...sometimes I'm not. Sometimes I'm angry at myself for getting in your car that day...sometimes I'm thankful I did. Sometimes I can't believe I invited you over...sometimes I pat myself on the back for pushing myself to do it. I can't decide whether you were a blessing or just absolute misery. With time, I will know. You were one of the main tracts of a loop in a rollercoaster that is my life. You cross my mind in the most inconvenient of times. Nothing affects a soul more than having a person that you talk to every day, that you lean on, that you rely on-leave your life like you were just another blade of grass in their field. The funny thing is-is I've lost people in my life that I've talked to every day for years and this still hurt more. 3 months. In 3 months you had such an impact on me. You painted a rose tinge all over my glasses. My problem is that I don't have it in me to wash off the rose coloured paint. I still haven't accepted that you walked out of my life. Even when I'm blaming you for hurting me, I know it is myself that has broken my own heart. I knew what was happening wasn't forever but I let myself become so hooked. Like you were the plot of my favourite book. Here I am at 2am...crying in my bedroom...typing my thoughts about you. I know you're probably with her...62 miles away...I likely haven't crossed your mind in 2 months. I hate how I'm making myself feel about you. I can shake this off. I know I can but why am I just choosing not to? With time, I will know.