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My Unsent Letter (To the my past love crushes, those who rejected me, and the ones I rejected or came in a bad time.)
4 months ago · · Stress,
As we get older in life. Our opinions in dating and find a relationship is limited or difficult. Some has find true love by luck or timing. However, not everyone has happy ending or experience a toxic love. As for me, I set a goal date to find true love or be relationship. If not? I have two opinions; go back to my former job putting people in permentant sleep in a box or ground. Join a group or they recruit me to cause dissary and see the world burn down.
But for now, I still have time to reflect and understand myself. I can not go to my family or friend because they are busy with own issue or I was afraid to ask.
First, I never have a personal preference to begin with. I used to see them as a individual with interesting personalities. From elementary to maybe sophomore in high school or freshman year in college. I jump for joy. When I see a female with nice personality. To my former crushes, at the time I was shy, being stupid, and afriad to ask your out on a date.
But, that all change once I got to know them a little better, or see their ugly side. Unfortunately, they where within my area and ethnicity. I tried so hard to be positive that not all women within my own ethnicity are terrible.
Second, this is where I started dating and having personal preference outside my own ethnicity. To the ones within my own ethnicity, I am sorry for rejecting you and giving harsh reactions. In my ethnicity, there a 90% chance they are pregnant, have children, or hiding something.
Third, if I do run into the 10% group those group fall three categories; One is chasing a high tier group, Two, having high standards and maintenance, and Three being attracted to the opposite gender. This where gave up on my own ethnicity.
Fouth, maybe is the traveling around world or meeting a women from different ethnicity, or something. Even though, they from the different backgrounds they more brutal than my own ethnicity. At least they reject me in politely compared to my own ethnicity. This why I keeping coming back for more until I got heartbroken over there. When I found out she was with someone else at time. This where I see that all women are bad.
Five, I still have little hope to find her. But, with different ethnicity, because the last woman I dated within my own ethnicity nearly destroyed my emotionally and physically. No matter how I change views, change locations, similar personality and even lower my own standards. I still got the same result within my own ethnicity. I guess, I am not desinted to be with my own ethnicity. I can accepted and be happy. Yet, some tried got my attention but I've given up and I am even not trying.