I wish it worked out but it didnt so who cares? A letter I wont send kinda.

I saw only potential in you and sadly it just didn't happen how I felt it should've. You think I was manipulating you and lying while listening to the guy who we know is manipulative and obsessed. I learned who I can trust and I learned a few other things. That's what I want to write about right now. What I learned from this mental hellweek.

My anxiety needs to end in relationships but not for the reason I thought it did. It's not for my partner, my partner should understand if I have a reason to be anxious, its for me. What did I get from being anxious the entire time? I got a sick feeling in my stomach and I had very self-destructive thoughts which I never acted on but they still tormented me.

I need to re-evaluate who my friends are which I managed to do. I appreciate how much the surprisingly large amount of people were so understanding. They haven't "picked a side" yet but I appreciate that they're choosing to find out soon. There's no point in being worried who they choose. What happens just happens, I can't change the situation and I feel satisifed with how I felt and telling them what happened.

My friend of 5+ years was not a friend at all. I let him do whatever he wanted even if it ruined my relationships and messed with my head. I can't let it happen anymore, she isn't the only one I lost because of him but it is the last. I'm strong, I have a very strong personality and I need to be the same with him. He's cut off now, I refuse to deal with him anymore. I want to live my own life with a bit of freedom.

I usually don't feel too great during new years because I feel so alone and stuff but I have a good feeling about this one. 2022 is going to be a special year for me. My first ever new years resolution which I want to follow as best as I can is to treat myself better and improve myself where I know I can. I'm an amazing person with potential to be much more, I'm done with the people dragging me down with them, forever now. I have to be more open, less envious and learn to just stop being so anxious (or to put the glass down for a bit as I read). That's where I begin but it's not where I plateau.

Hope you have an amazing day tomorrow. I still care about you if that means something to you! I just don't feel like you're my responsibility anymore and when you get down to it you were the one who left me for my friend so you really just brought this on yourself. I pity you because I've seen him do the exact same thing to 12 other unfortunate girls and I feel you were the only one who got as much help with it as you did. You're also the only one who turned on me after I tried helping. I don't want it to sound like good riddance cause I do miss you! but I'd be lying if I said the thought of you realising your mistake soon didn't make my heart smile.

Am I a little too much, whoever is reading this. Is it wrong to take pleasure in such a weird thing like them realising they made the mistake of isolating me? I feel like it makes me look like the bad guy but I promise you would understand how I felt if you find my post about telling what happened. She acted so nice until she got "proof" about things everyone already knows about. The proof she got gave her *insight* onto the situation that was just incorrect and very biased towards his point of view.

A good person making a bad misjudgement. To circle it back around to the title. I wish it worked out! I really did badly and I still have some feelings left over but I told you once people leave I get over them way too fast. I gave you my best but you still sided with someone else and formed an opinion without even asking me. I really really wish it was different but it wasn't so who cares? ;)