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I started questioning God when I understood the gravity of my moms famous quote that I know all too well “There are no perfect people, I know one perfect person and he died on a cross” When I was a God fearing child with no opinion that quote was calming.
But now I have an opinion and I only fear you.
You were perfect to me because you made yourself that way for your personal gain. So I would do what you wanted and be submissive. Anyone seeing the comparison yet???
Got questions for God? Me fucking too.
How can an all loving and perfect person create such pain, agony and disaster? How could he have given me you? How come we never got to hear the “devil’s” point of view?
When I realized I relate more to the devil than to god, I started hating myself on a dangerous level.
The first time I stole something was an absolute thrill. I probably should have talked to someone as a kid just from the amount of cash I swiped off my parents counters. I don’t know why I did it, I just feel stupid and gross thinking about it now. But back then it felt so good… addicting. You helped me steal, encouraged it. Made me feel invincible, kind of like I could take anything and nothing bad would happen because you could protect me.
Fucking idiot.
I stole a lot. You would stand guard as I would steal hundreds of dollars worth of merchandise from your favourite store.. Victoria’s Secret. You loved me in lingerie, the skinnier I got the more you liked it. I would steal it to make you happy, and wear it for you. Every time; I risked everything, I put my future on the line and my life on the line. All so I could call you daddy in some overpriced lingerie made by people who hate bodies like mine.
What was I thinking?
Was I thinking? Or was I being manipulated?
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