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Hello, i'm posting here to get things off my chest. For the sake of simplicity just call me S.
I'm 20 years old and i come from a divorced Midwestern family. Only i'm not like them, they're all Christians or stoners. I can't relate with them. I live with my father and my job doesn't give me the hours or well enough pay to think about moving out. I don't even have my license. It's to the point where i don't know if that's my fault or my parents anymore. I spend my days doing one of the few joys i have left. MTG. it's a nerdy thing sure, but it's my escape from all this. A year ago i had a good paying job and i was with a girl whom i thought would be the one for me. Funny how things can change. I never was a "cutter" before her. Never saw the point of it. But the months after she left me were arguably the hardest time I've ever had to endure. In some aspects i still endure it. After she left i had began cutting, at first just little nicks, no blood spilled. But as time dragged on i became more open to the idea of ending it. I even wrote out a letter explaining to everyone why i left. It's been 5+ months since this started and in the last month I've only just accepted that she is gone and never coming back. But how do i move on from that? How do i find peace in me? I have talked to this girl today who shared a first name with the girl from my past (we'll call her D) and i used to like her but we both had our own things going so it just got put on a back-burner i guess. Anyway, we texted today, she's in Florida now and i'm still in the Midwest. I want to leave this place anyway but a part of me wants to go to her. I just don't know if i should take the chance on her. There's so much more i need to say but this will have to do for now.
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