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My dad slapped me when I was in my teens for putting sugar in his tea. He said it was disrespectful. He didn’t take sugar.
He also throttled me before school. Had me pinned to the ground ,was on top of me and had his hands on my throat shaking me . “Why are you crying !” He shouted. I kicked him in the groin to get him off me. I joked about it at school with friends a few weeks later. What else do you do? , how else are kids supposed to process this?
He said I was crazy and a ‘nutter’. I remember I cut that word into my wrist later that day on my first day of sixth form at school.
I didn’t go to school some days , I was too upset. He apologised and I forgave him but 8 years later and I can’t forget this. It’s not always at the forefront of my mind . It sits at the back. I lied to my therapist when she asked me as a teenager how my relationship was with my father. I told her it was fine. I didn’t tell my teacher when she was asking me what was wrong. I didn’t want anything bad to happen to my dad. We make mistakes. We do things we regret. We move forward.
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Like teens what? 13..or 15-16...cause my dad woulda got slapped back, probably with the bag of sugar. There is discipline and there is disrespect....that was the second.
Reply15~16 was doing GCSEs
ReplyYour dad has a control/rage issue, this is abuse.
ReplyNever lie to your therapist. Tell the truth. What he put you through was assault and abuse. Don't cover up or make excuses for his behavior. You'll never move past it until you can acknowledge it imo. My dad did similar things to me and I'm still not over it you don't move forward easily having things like that done to you depending on the person. I know we survive the best way we can but never make excuses for your abuser. He apologized that's a start. its more than mine ever did. They won't acknowledge it period. But good on you if you forgave but forgetting is the harder part.
ReplyIt's ok to harbor resentment. Your therapist would probably tell you it's unhealthy (and it probably is), but abusers can't/shouldn't just be forgiven. They have to earn their pardon and it doesn't sound like your dad ever did that. Apologies should come with action. Not instead of. Anyway, please don't feel like you're at fault if you still have negative feelings about it. It would be great to turn it off like a switch, but that's like saying you aren't allowed to feel outrage at what he did. I hope he makes up for it. My parents never did, and I never forgave them. It's not exactly a choice.
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