To you curly fry if you ever see this

To curly fry or S or the nickname I gave you on that sports drink bottle that day,

Here we are again this tango we do, this is pretty long, but you should be used to these by now.idk what you believe in, but I had a instant connection to you in kindergarten as weird as it is, but if you don't believe me look at our lives as proof .I’ve written you letters many times when we were younger, but we're older now and we're more mature.You’ve never done it first -well that's not true that Moring in the library , when I turned away.You failed that test of trust , you posted that letter on snap chat k told me , Ya know it's sad at least for me I go in circles loving you and I'm not running away anymore.I wonder if you'll ever tell me how you feel, did you ever love me? All those years and you felt nothing? When we started 8th grade I was always there and I have a feeling you thought I was always was gonna be there or you probably knew.Ya know we left the elementary school, sorry for the kickball game by the way I didn't know any better and I was pretty sheltered growing up.You were always on my mind from a young age and I was so naive I didn't even know why, but I've given you letters on why.I‘ve given you so many letters.In highschool when I first got your number I had never texted anyone in my life and I got over excited I really fucked up and the internet was so new to me especially Instagram,why we're there just people having sex?I remember in highschool after fucking up I texted you “ do I have a chance?” and you said “no” and I was dead set on not giving up and I didn't.I remember before you dated c some random dude came up to me at the gym I didn't know the guy and asked if I liked you.I dont know why at the time I didn't just admit it ,my gut was telling me not to admit it cause I didn't just like you at the time I actually loved you. After that you started dating c and I actually cried when my friends told me at lunch, but I brought that upon myself and I own and accept that.I’m sorry about all the mixed signals , but through out highschool I was learning about society honestly like a newborn up till junior year, I'm not trying to give excuses for my actions, but explanations.I was playing basketball while my parents were going through their divorce my mom took a lot out on me she even forbid me from going to j’s house for no reason , and my dad didn't try to stop her he just still went over. I actually really miss being close to j Idk if he ever thought we were close, but I have good memories with him and I remember when we made the sugar soup at his house together and I miss being close with his sisters.End of sophomore year and junior year was hard for me I actually tried ending it all, I told all my friends goodbye.N was actually the one to stop me and I know you know who N is cause she told me she saw you at college.I decided not to go to that college for your sake, I didn't wanna be seen as a super stalker or something.I didn't even realize it was stalking till my team mates pointed it out so sorry for all that.From junior to senior year I found out so many truths and the people I had decided to surround myself with their true colors started showing and I was already dealing with my moms behavior.It got so bad at one point I actually started living with N cause My mom went crazy and my dad lived too far from the school And I'm sorry I don't know any of your struggles cause you probably had them while we were growing up too and I'm selfish for not knowing it all.Junior to senior year my behavior became destructive the divorce came crashing down and me and my brother were the punching bags.I said stuff to you I meant and didn't mean all because I was hurt and even tho I've apologized for this many times I have no idea how to properly make it up to you.For all the times you did try I'm sorry for turning my back, cause even though I love you unconditionally I have no idea how to fix all this and if we would even work together.Were older now and I know I've changed, but I have no idea about you.If you're happy somewhere with someone truly happy don't let me ruin it and just please forget I exist.I’m letting this all out now cause I'm older, more mature, and realize I could die today or die tomorrow and I realized I've never let you get out what you have to say and I don't want to live and die never knowing.The hurtful things I said to you even at graduation I never meant them.I thought it would be better for everybody if I burned the bridges.My thoughts were if everyone hates me i’ll never hurt anyone.My feelings in those letter were not a lie and I really did love you for a long time and for all the reasons I wrote and even if you hate me I still love you.I honestly thought you'd do better without me and probably you are.I remember seeing you at your job and I felt every stare you gave me even before then , but I'm too old now to act like I don't care I realize now it's so childish.Ya know I thought about emailing you cause we both know each others full name, but I figured if you are meant to see this you will and honestly I don't know where we go from here.Even if you do love me , which honestly I doubt you do, I feel like you might have found love with someone else and if you did I'm truly happy for you.I wonder how I ended up here and how I could love someone before even knowing what love is.Sorry if I drove you crazy , honestly I was going crazy myself.I remember talking to your friends and asking them why they did things at a party in a way i’ll probably never understand. another thing I was afraid of we're from two different worlds at least at the time we were.Ya know I saw your account I wonder if you were looking for me on that app, I wonder if the account was fake,I'm not sure.If there's one thing I want it's to be able too look you in the eye alone somewhere and just get everything out no cameras no social media just you and me eye to eye.I would contact you first, but I'm always chasing and chasing and there's kind of no point and if you want this to go somewhere you have to try.This doesn't have to go anywhere though as I said before the choice is yours.But I've grown and I'm done running done avoiding , so whatever you want to do I won't shy away.Im honestly curious on how you're doing and where you're at, I wonder if you ever feel the way I do and why my soul gave me this cruel fate.For the record like I said before I've really really really tried to forget about you , but I just can’t at least not like this.I don't even know if you'll see or if you'll ever come to this site, but whatever is meant to be will or will not happen.The love I have for you is uncondtional despite it all , I wonder if you're laughing at this again, wondering how stupid I am.Love makes you do stupid things I'm pretty sure you know this too.if reincarnation or other worlds or even universes are real I hope we're happy or have closure somewhere.This reality has been torture for me in ways I'm not sure you'll ever know, but time will go on and eventually well leave with it so, I wonder how many time our strings will cross before it eventually all ends an no matter how it ends I hold no hate or animosity towards you, I just accept this is simply life

-You know who I am we've been doing this for a long time, honestly i’d be surprised if you're expecting anyone else (A)