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Not just recognizing that I have a problem but also admitting it openly. No, I don't have a substance problem but anxiety and depression can almost get this addictive quality- my body and brain almost crave it because that's what it knows and has become comfortable with. I wonder at what point that became my norm. Quite a long time ago, I'm sure. And I need it to stop. It's become both an obstacle and a crutch. I use it to prevent anything scary or different from happening to me but the problem is...that nothing happens to me. Good or bad. I have nothing to look forward to, nothing to be excited or nervous about. I just stay in the same place, spinning wheels that don't go anywhere and feel bad about it. But it is my own damn fault. And only I can get myself out of this rut.
First step is to start making healthier choices, until those become habit. Sleep more, drink less caffeine, drink more water, eat better, workout every day I can, meditate. These things work when I am consistent. But I've been so bad about being consistent and I can't blame Covid for it anymore. I can't keep choosing to be unhappy. And until I make changes that is exactly what I'm doing.
I will try to greet each day with a grateful heart and a clear conscience. I will let things or people go that do not want to be kept. I will make space for new things.
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