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From being top of the world, dreaming big, studying hard wanting to leave high school to what I'm here today. Today sitting on my laptop, unemployed, no dreams and lost. I couldn"t wait five years ago to finish College and start a new journey to prepare myself to become an adult grow up fast, now I wish I could go back in time five years back and tell myself to stop, breathe and live.
I hate what I"ve become, I don"t recognize myself when I look in the mirror. I see a scared, hopeless and broken girl. I feel as if I"m not human I have two hands, two legs, blood pumping through my body but I can"t sense any feelings besides hate and resentment. I feel so much pain in my heart and hurt. I see tears dropping down my face but I feel nothing. I have been told to forgive and forget, that everyone feels pain its natural. I believe that somewhat but how you tell me that I need to forgive and forget what I was put through? How can you ask me to forgive and forget when that"s the only thing that keeping me together is the pain and the hate?
I can"t forgive truly because I can"t handle pulling myself together. I feel the weight of the world on my back but when I turn around I see no one there. I look forward to trying in finding someone to share my pain with, to hold my hand when I cry at night, help me with all the wounds open all over my body that the human eye couldn't possibly see but I feel it. My scars and wounds all over my body that"s why I feel as if can"t breathe that someone choking me, my heart pumping fast. I can feel my self-breathing rapidity as if all the oxygen is dying out and I"m trying to take my last breath.
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Hi. How are you holding up?
I have something to tell you. You can do it!
I know that this a little "casual", people just say that. But it is true.
Look, I know that dropping school, is an important and bad decision but life gives you more and more opportunities.
There are schools for adults that dropped school! Life is not a one opportunity thing.
Hey, if you need someone to talk, just send me an e-mail to: mrjoystick0@gmail.com
I will respond ASAP.
ReplyHi,
Thanks for the support but I'm proud to tell you that I'm doing better now happy and in university. I wrote this last year, felt as if I needed to let go of my emotions and let anyone else who might feel the same relate to it. I have learn to deal with my emotions and problems. Thank you for trying to help, I love to talk to u if you don't mind anyways.
ReplyOf course, I wont mind!
Just email me and if you want I´ll email you my twitter account.
Reply