My Unsent Letter (To J******a, or to any other women who truly love me.)

First, thank you for having an interest in me or showing true love. Unfortunately, we are in middle school or high school at time. In addition, I wasn't mature enough to show love or busy with other things that distract me from my step-father and mother in a toxic environment. When our separate ways after graduation in middle school and when to different high school. I knew that we were never each other. However, transition to high school with a similar situation. But, it became worst as women of my own race in high school became meaner and show disgust look when I ask them out. This is where I dated outside of my own race. However, did not last long in a relationship. But, they were nice about breaking up and put me down nicely compared to my own race. My own race shows no mercy or finds ways to hurt me. After graduation from High school, I decided to go back to my own race. In addition, there is a specific group in my area. Because they are closer and more available than my own race. But, that all changed once they show their true color and intentions. This hurt me so badly. I decided to join the service to lash out at people who were never involved or accidentally crossed my path during the war and be away from western society. But, it came at a cost. My emotions and youth, I never the same after my medical discharge from a knee injury during a fire fight. However, Before my medical discharge, I was stationed in Asia where I met a few local women who treat me well when came to emotional and physical support. Unfortunately, I could not be with them due to my high-hazard job and not coming alive. This is where I find comfort and be more relaxed around Asian women. However, I was stationed in western counties, but western women have similar behavior to American women. I try to give them a chance. But, in the end, just like in high school they show disgust and show no interest in me. After my discharge, it took me years to adjust to the civilian world. However, my mental health wasn't fully healed. Until I received help in the college health office. After a few sessions, I was okay to be in a relationship. However, it was too late because social media and the internet have altered and set an unrealistic standard of relationships. In college was worst, women only care if the man is tall, rich, and look. However, I did meet a few college women with great personalities. But, either they are in a relationship, an LGBT, chasing top-tier men, or want to stay single.

Sorry, for the long post and backstory, it's not you, it's me who has problems and still fighting to be loved or show love. But, at the same time, you could save me or have the courage to show me to be loved. But now, it not be undone or be the same. I am sorry that I can not love you or show interest in you.