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i remember those chilly october nights
where time seemed to move faster than a runaway train
the days spent in eachothers content presence
doing everything or nothing
i wanted to savor those moments like the last drop of water in a desolate desert
for i knew that one day our memories of love and satisfaction would fade and you’d no longer think of me as fondly as you did when you were fifteen and in love
my every thought is clouded by the overcast shadow of your memory
i reminisce upon the remembrance of your warm embrace and thoughtful kiss
yet as i speak, these words are merely souvenirs of a love long lost
as i still listen for the echo of your fondness
hoping you’ll rupture your vow of silence
please
put me out of my misery, cut it off for good
for the reason that you thrive upon my sorrow
are the deep roots you’ve attached to my heart
my cries for help have gone in vain
many sleepless nights to no avail
my aching soul is yearning for a stitch
to close my bleeding wounds
i am no longer pursuing my prince charming
yet i am simply seeking the pea under my bed
i wish to move forward without your ventriloquist strings
so i may love another person the way i shouldn’t have loved you
my hazy idea of fifteen is impeded by the memory of you
as you were my water, at least it seemed
the very means by which i lived
you were my epiphany
the sole lesson i needed
i learned to open my eyes
and see the world larger than a person
my very morals were shattered as a result of my clumsy blindness
despite my sorrow and mourning, the pain and suffering you’ve brought to me
though i hold the thought of you close, even in the arms of another
i believe you were more than a teacher
you were, and always will be my first love
i beg you much, please cut me free
i wish to look forward, unattached from the fond vision of that night in my room
a core memory was imprinted upon my brain
more content than i’ve felt in my life
i hope i may experience that another time
and though it may not be with you
i could only pray to feel that way for someone else
their kiss is not as sweet
and their affection is not as soothing
in their embrace i don’t feel at home
i dread the hours we spend alone
because maybe it’s too soon
possibly they’re just not you
every ounce of my physical and emotional being aches for you
they say not for you but for your memory
i yearn for a closing scene
for when we kissed goodbye that last november night
i’d not expected the heartbreak that followed
we’d planned entire futures together
our children’s names
and what we wished to do with eachother’s ashes
to me our bond was stronger than those of hydrogen
two sides of a spectrum we’d been on
for while i spent nights weeping
you’d been smiling
at the messages of another girl
i occasionally see our pictures
in albums i thought deleted what felt like lifetimes ago
i believed i’d moved on
but the remembrance of the smiles spread widely across my face
and excitedly sending you sweet collages of our time together spent the night previously
brings my heart to melt
not in sorrow for our loss
but for the happy girl you once made me
while i’d have given you my last breath
the very skin on my bones and the heart from my chest
we did not see the same in the view of love
those beautiful blue eyes had spotted another-
one who does not care for the depth of your emotions
nor for the love you’d pour from your glass to hers
the love i gave you and that you dried me sore of to gladly cascade into her malicious cup
she’s not but half of me
yet takes for granted what i’d once called my grand prize
my heart aches in many ways
for you-
who had a girl that would scour the universe
to exceed the love already given
as well as for myself
for i’d delivered such immense care
to someone that didn’t
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