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I hate a lot about myself. I know I shouldn't mainly because I am a "gift from god". I fully comprehend and appreciate what I have been given throughout my life but why is it that if I do the simplest thing it is considered to be the worst thing possible? At 20 yrs. old I have fully understood and am processing to accept that I am my parents' worst mistake and I so deeply wish every day that I could take the burden of, me off them. No, I am not trying to think so negatively, and yes I do have a lot pf these thoughts and I truly mean them but what is to have things when it isn't how it seems? what is it to have people who gave you life deny you because of how you limited them or how you have stopped their life? Instead of being grateful for the life you made, you gave you make me hate the life I live.
It is so hard and so draining to try to continue to be happy. Sometimes I wish I could do things other people my age do, the simplest things. I'd love to have a genuine friend and go for a late-night drive, to have a job and spoil myself, to really give myself that full experience of love and caringness that I see others give to each other. I hate feeling like I won't ever get it because people suck and they never stick. But I also think about what I was given as a child. The parent love was never there so many that is why I don't understand what it is even when it is good because I don't know what it is. Hating the world makes my chest hurt but trying to find the sweetness has made me lose the desire to taste it.
I wish whoever comes across this the best of everything in life :)
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When you say you wish you could do things people your age do you are comparing yourself to others. Don't do this. There are times to do things and the time now is for you to do other things. If you keep wishing for different and more of you won't be happy. Be satisfied and thankful for what you have now and don't hate the life you have or hate the world. How can you feel good with hate in you. Find goodness in the life you have. Take pen and paper and write down everything you have to be grateful for and post the list here if you want.
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